Halloween

The Saturday before Halloween, Marsh and Emily brought the kids over for breakfast. Luckily, Dave had that weekend off, so it was a family ordeal. Later that day, we all walked through COSTCO, and then had lunch at Pizza Pie Cafe. We talked, ate, and laughed, watched Tucker play with his food and just had a good time as a family. When we got back home, we got ready for the ward's annual Chili Cook Off and Trunk or Treating. Marsh and Emily took the kids home to get into their costumes and get ready, as they said they'd be coming with us. I will confess, I was STOKED to have them, and Heather and Troy come as well, it had been a while since we've attended a church function as a family. Marsh and Emily returned with the kids, and as you can see, Josie was a little Ladybug. She didn't mind the hood on her head, and just quietly enjoyed herself. Then we have Tucker, our little cowboy. They were going to have him go as Dash from the Incredibles, but couldn't find the costume that would fit him. He loved his guns and honestly, looked pretty cute as a cowboy. The hardest part I saw of trying to find costumes for ANY of the kids, was weather they had hats/masks with them because they absolutely HATE having things worn on their head or face. I personally think that our little cowboy here, had a lot of fun, and from what Marsh said, by the time he got to the end of the Trunk or Treating, he was yelling TRICK OR TREAT. Though it was quite cold, everyone got a kick out of all the kids, and even Merlyn. Yes, that's right, I took Merlyn to the church's TRUNK OR TREAT. He sat in the truck during the Chili dinner, when it was time for Trunk or Treating, I pulled him out, costume and all. The reason I took Merlyn was on behalf of Mason. Halloween was Mason's favorite Holiday. He loved being near the kids, seeing them dressed up and even enjoyed dressing up himself. This year, it was rough on me because I haven't fully recovered from losing him, so I got his skeleton costume, put it on Merlyn and took Merlyn in Mason's Memory. Merlyn went over VERY well with not just the kids, but the adults as well, and though he was scared of his own shadow, he enjoyed it also I'm sure. Then we have Troy, of course we cannot forget Troy. For weeks before Halloween, Heather tried to figure out what to have him be, and I thought it'd be cute for him to be Frankenstein because he was just starting to walk, and walked like him. Heather didn't like that idea, but was having a problem because like Tucker, Troy didn't like wearing things on his face/head. So, after long thoughts, many ideas and searching, she settled on a little Vampire. I told her it was fitting since he LOVES to bite people, and we looked around for a costume that wasn't very cheesy. We finally found one that fit him at Wal-Mart, purchased it and dressed him up. He looked so stinking cute. He had a lot of fun going around Trunk or Treating with his cousins, got quite a bit of candy for his Mom, and had plenty of energy to spare when all was said and done, and they got home. This photo was taken at Grandma Gean's house. She let him play the piano and he absolutely LOVED it. I have a better picture of him on FB, that reminds me of Phantom of the Opera, where he's playing at the organ. All in all, it was a memorable Halloween weekend, the kids were adorable, Troy helped hand out Candy when our 3 Trick or Treaters came on Halloween night, and it was just full of happy memories and mixed emotions.

This is WHY

The latest update with Janelle's psycho ex, yes, he is psycho, is that he doesn't want me watching his kids because he's tired of all my lies. Keep in mind, I have not talked to him since his daughter's birthday last month, when I did, it was "Congratulations on getting married" nor have I talked to anyone about him, other than with Janelle when she vents.

I have been asked a number of times, why I even put up with this man and what he throws at me, and nobody really seems to understand my answer. Why DO I put up with him, his lies, tantrums and plain out garbage? I put up with all of this because Janelle and the kids are my friends, and I can't really fully avoid all his crap because as much as everyone hates it, he's still part of their lives. As hard as it is for me, I tell his little girl nothing but good things about her dad, only because he's her dad. She has asked me on a number of times why her dad hates me, all I tell her is that I don't know, and she'll have to ask him herself. For the longest time, Janelle would say to me, "I know you hate him...." and my response was always "I don't hate him, just what he does to you and how he treats you." Well, my eyes are opening up even wider, and now, yes, I hate the man, if that's what you want to call him.

Here's the story with this guy, when I first started to watch his kids, I asked them how they wanted me to take care of them, discipline, allergies, naps, that sort of stuff. They told me that they were fine with whatever, as long as they weren't injured and were safe. I did with their kids, as I had before with other peoples, and gave them the best possible care I could. I wouldn't ask for food to feed them, worked with their income even though I charged a flat rate, and basically bent over backward for them. I continued to be her friend, but gave up trying with him because he was nothing but backstabbing to me, telling Janelle that he doesn't want me watching his kids because I'm a liar and he doesn't like me. When they split, I sent Dave over to talk to him, console him, as a gesture that we've been trying to befriend him, it didn't work. He doesn't have the least bit of consideration toward Dave or I, unless it's beneficial to him.

I am now tired of the garbage of saying that I broke up their marriage by giving Janelle's number to a friend, that I am a liar and he's tired of my lies. I don't need that kind of garbage in my life, and though I'm told not to let it get to me, it does. I've never had my INTEGRITY attacked so much as it's been the last 5yrs. and he's poisoning my life along with Janelle's. Lee is a very unhappy and disturbed man, and I don't know if he's obsessed with me or what, but he brings me into EVERY issue he has, finding a way to put the blame on me. I have no proof or I'd get him for slander, it's all hearsay, but I'm really tired of being crucified every time he screws his life up. I know the only way to get this settled is to walk away from Janelle and the kids, but why let him win by screwing over a friendship? Any thoughts/suggestions are totally welcomed.

I Give Up!

Ever feel like you're a beetle, walking on your merry little way, and all of a sudden, you're buried in a fresh, steamy pile of cow crap? Yeah, that's been me for the last 2 and a half days now. My friend is having some serious problems with her ex, and because he thinks I'm the reason she's decided to stand up for herself, I am getting the brunt end of the argument.

Last night's argument between them was just insane and retarded, but as usual, the kids and I are the ones who are being punished. He doesn't like me, that's been established, and thinking it'll hurt her, he has told her that I'm not watching the kids anymore, he'll pay for a Day Care to watch them and she is to go to HIM anytime she needs a sitter. Yes, I'm taking it as a personal attack against me, why shouldn't I? How could I not? Anyway, it really hurt to hear this as I've done nothing wrong, and given the best possible care to these kids. I have some thoughts on the whole situation, and why he may be doing this, but it's not my place, nor do I really want to dwell on it. Anyway, I told my friend that since I've not got 2 days off, I'm gonna go find another job, what else can I do since she and her ex don't see eye to eye and I feel he's gonna follow through with his threats now. She doesn't think he will and that I don't need to, but it never hurts to be safe. Maybe it's what he needs to wake up to reality and who knows, SEEK HELP. The guy's got a FIANCEE' and trying to get back with my friend, though she's happily, EXTREMELY happily, involved with a man that treats her and the kids right. This Ex of hers is certifiably insane and really shouldn't be allowed in public. Just sayin.

Beside it being the 1mo. anniversary of Mason leaving me behind, it was the Homecoming Parade, and I can honestly say, I'm done with them. We got to a place to sit, and when I asked my husband to get things out and set up, he drags his feet, finally gets things out, only to find that the spot we were gonna set up in, had been taken. We took another spot, mostly in the sun, and should have had enough room away from the people who took our original spot, but then about 6 HS BOYS and their parents showed up, and sat next to us. I thought nothing of it at first, until the parade started. That's when I started getting the darkest of dark moods. The family who took our original spots was fine. The boys, well, when the participants in the parade threw candy, they'd look right at my nephew, and then throw the candy to the HS boys instead. I was pissed. Not because they were throwing it at these boys, but because they didn't pick it up, they just walked all over it until their mom said something. They didn't care about any of the candy, they wanted the bags, balls, and fliers that were being handed out. ONLY when they started tossing candy at my nephew did they take an interest in it and start crowding us out.

That's when things got darker for me. Nobody wanted to say something to them, when I said something, it didn't stop, they got back into our line of sight of the parade and I didn't get to see much of it. My sister was upset with me for it, thinking it was all about the candy, when it was mostly about the ignorance and disrespect of older kids not caring that people don't go to those just for the "goodies" but to actually have fun and look at the floats. I couldn't get my sister to understand that she experienced the same thing when she was her son's age, and that Dad had to yell at the people to get them to stop. I seriously had a bad experience and it put me in a really dark place.

When we got home, as I was waiting for my sister to get ready to go to the store, I went downstairs to lie down for a bit, fell asleep and was woken up to the sound of my husband snoring. I went to get up and move to another room so he could nap, heaven forbid I be nice. Instead, he stormed out of the room, leaving me there to feel like even more crap being piled on. Add the fact I haven't eaten, seems like nobody wants to hear a word out of my mouth and I just want to vanish like my words do. I really hate my life today, and just don't care anymore. I can't seem to pull anything together. My relationship with my in-laws sucks, why? Because I supposedly don't go out of my way to talk to them, when I do, well, I get a better conversation out of a WALL! My siblings complain I don't keep in touch enough, but when I do, the communication seems to stop suddenly. There's a vast distance between my husband and I, a distance that I know I can't fix on my own and I feel like he doesn't want to try. I feel more alone in this world than I ever have, and the one thing that loved me unconditionally, seemed to understand me the best, and wouldn't ever leave me, well, That one thing I had to lay to rest exactly a month ago today. I feel my life spinning down the toilet and have no control over trying to fix it. What's the use? I have constantly tried and get no success or cooperation. I quit!

Trouble Letting Go

It's been 2wks and a day, since I made the toughest decision of my life, I put Mason down. Dave and I had talked about it a few times during the year, not expecting to anytime soon. When I woke up that Thursday morning, never did I dream that day was there. Had I known it was gonna be Mason's last day on Earth, I would have changed a few things.

I clearly remember the day I met Mason. Could tell you exactly what Kennel they had him and his 2 siblings in even, Bryan was getting a companion for his Chocolate Lab, Dixie. We had Mason and his 2 siblings in the adoption room with us, watching them. Mason caught my eye because he was shy, stood off from everyone and when I looked at him, he peed himself. That's when he got my heart, love at first sight, and we were basically inseparable. He went through hell and back with me, from being beaten, to sleeping right next to me for 3 days straight, when I got my Wisdom Teeth pulled. I will never forget his smile, the unconditional love that he had for me, and being there when nobody else was.

Now most of you think, what's the big deal, it's just a dog. Sure, he was a dog to most people, but to me, he was my baby, a kindred spirit, the love of my life. I'm trying my best to move on, but my memories of him, combined with looking for him, expecting him to meet me at the door with his big smile, keep living inside and it's harder than hell to let go of him. I know his journey in this life has ended, and mine has to continue without him, that I'll see him again, but it really sucks to be left behind. I know I speak for everyone when I say that Mason was unique, one of a kind and yes, quite irreplaceable. Nobody will truly understand how deeply lost I am without him, the tight bond we had and what not. I wish there was a heal button that I could push to overcome my loss quicker. It isn't just me that is mourning, Merlyn has been moping around, either stays with me constantly or hides under the computer desk all day.

Since his passing, I haven't been able to sleep, cry at odd hours, and have tried to focus on other things. The memories keep flooding in, and the feeling like it's all just a dream keep coming back too. Saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do, but looking into the eyes of my baby boy at the Vet's office that morning, I knew it was the right thing to do. We don't know for sure what happened, maybe Cancer, maybe it was a Stroke, the Vet wanted to do blood tests, I opted out knowing he was in pain and just couldn't do it anymore. Just like when he first came into my life, I will never forget the day he left my life. One thing I can learn from this is that your pets become more than just that, they become family, even kids. Don't take them for granted and by all means, NEVER take them for granted. Their time on this Earth is short, and they have so much love to give. We can all learn a lot from our pets, and I do believe that they're angels sent from Heaven to watch over us. RIP Mason, you'll NEVER be forgotten or replaced!! I LOVE YOU FOREVER and can't wait until the day we see each other again!!

Is It March Yet?

Okay, so those of you who do NOT know, I've never been to Texas, EVER. A few months back, Dave said that he wouldn't mind moving there someday, and I looked at him and asked if I could go VISIT there for once before that kind of decision is made. Little did I know that would start a series of ideas that resulted in a vacation for a week in Galveston, with the help of Dan and Chrystal.
They set us up with a time share for a week, on the beach, and are gonna help us get our flight and rental car as well. The plan is to save as much as we can by then, and use our tax returns as well. At first, I wondered "Who's gonna watch the kids while I'm gone". Yes, I'm around kids WAY to much for somebody who doesn't have any of her own. Anyway, since then, Dave and I have been pretty excited to go, looking up places to visit while we're there, deciding when to visit family and when to have time to ourselves.
In preparation, we're also trying to change our lifestyles in the sense of losing weight, getting better in shape, and budgeting. It's something we want to have as a habit when the time comes to vacation. As the days progress, the more time I spend with the kids, the more I want to leave. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job, love the kids, but lately, it seems like the 5yr old is worse than normal, her brother doesn't listen EVER and is the biggest brat I've watched. I love my family, friends, but being in this city without doing much of anything gets old, and I just need a break.

Who'da Thunk it....

Since Heather was put on bed rest a few days ago, Chas has stepped up and helped out a LOT with Troy. Today as I headed for Mom and Dad's room, I peeked in on Chas and Troy, and caught him actually changing a diaper. This is a rare moment, so I immediately grabbed my camera and took a picture. It was worth not being in focus, but he caught me taking the picture, and told me it's not to be posted on Facebook. Instead, it's posted on my blog. *smiles*

I'm not saying that Chas is a bad dad, he's just not around much as he's always in WY working. It's been good to have a break and not watch him so much, and I'm finding my stress and patience is starting to come back in to check. If I could have this kind of 4 day weekend from ALL kids each month, I'd be set. Happy 4th everyone!!

Jackson Hole

This past Saturday I went with Janelle and the kids to Jackson Hole, Wyoming to do some Mystery Shops. She had to do 2 frame stores, a gas station, hotel, Ripley's Believe It or Not, and a Dairy Queen.We had about 5hrs to kill before we could check into the hotel, so we went "sight seeing". After checking out a few stores, we decided to go to Ripley's Believe It or Not. We walked through, and I took TONS of pictures, only to find that the batteries in my camera were dying so I started just photographing the ones that interested me the most.
I had a bit of a struggle figuring out which one I wanted to post on here, so I went with the Kodiak. As you can see, this bear was attacked by a porcupine. There are over 514 quills in this bear's face, and because he couldn't really see or eat, staggered into the road and was killed by a moving vehicle. This was one of my many favorites. The only complaint I had about it is that we had a stroller, and the employees neglected to tell us that there were stairs we had to go up, or offer to let us use the handicap elevator. Other than that, we had fun walking through it, had a few good laughs because of Kaitlynn, and Madison as well.
We then went to some more stores for shopping, Great Harvest for lunch and then did a few more of the Mystery Shops she had to do. We walked everywhere, a full 6 hours, stores, visitor's center, Ripley's, you name it, we walked. When it was time to check in to the Hotel, we walked to the car and drove there. We checked in, unloaded the car, then went to dinner at Dairy Queen. Across the street from it was the Visitor's Center, and a LOT of Canadian Geese. I managed to get a good shot of them, went into Dairy Queen and regretted it.
While I waited for somebody to take my order, an employee looked BEHIND me and asked the person if he could help him. I was mad, absolutely furious that I was overlooked. I first thought it was because I was standing right behind Janelle who was ordering her food. But when he was done helping that one person, he looked behind me again (Janelle had just finished her order and the girl at the register left) and waited on the gentleman behind me again. Just as I was about to say something, another girl walked up to me and asked if I had been helped. I told her NO, and placed my order although I thought about just walking out and finding another place to dine. Come to find out, the whole store was employed by Mexicans, and the 2 people that were waited on before me, were Mexican also. I mean no offense to anyone reading this, I'm really not racist, but I never felt so discriminated against before. It really bothered and upset me, and when I go back to Jackson Hole again, that is one place I will NEVER think about eating at again.