The Patient From HELL

Ok, so it's been a week or so since Merlyn became Karma's chew toy. The doc removed his drain Friday, the 29th and said to continue flushing the wound, and warm compresses periodically through the day. Doing so has become a task that NOBODY wants. Lately, Merlyn has been in such pain that he lies on his back when he sees his Betadine bottle, and shows his teeth. The other night, everyone was busy, and it came time to flush his wound, so I pulled him out of his kennel, and just as I got Betadine in his wound, he screamed, snapped at me and then dashed under the bed.
Knowing that he'd snap at me again, but needing him back in his kennel where he was safe, I shook a grocery bag under the bed at him, which normally scares him out. This time, he attacked the bag with extreme anger, so I took a Candy Cane decoration and poked him. He ran out from under the bed, and then I couldn't contain my laughter with what happened next. Rather than running to his kennel, he sat between the wall and our bed, and YELLED at me. He chewed me out for a good 10 minutes, angry barks, growls and snarls. I sat there, and told him to let it all out, to tell me about it and let me know when he was done with his tantrum.
He soon calmed down, cowered over to me where I gave him some reassuring pets, a few treats and a kiss on the head. Once Merlyn was satisfied I wasn't trying to be mean, he rushed to the safety of his kennel where he stayed the rest of the night. He started out on this whole thing as a good patient, taking his pills when he needed to, sitting still when I flushed his wound and what not, but now, we've had to muzzle him A LOT, and just recently, because he scratches his wound, we were ordered to put a sock on his foot. All I can say is that I'll be glad when he's all healed up. Though Dave doesn't, I miss him sleeping on the bed by me, keeping me warm. He's getting active more these days though, and when he's better, he's gonna start excersising with me each day.
That's about it, there will be more to come, later. Gotta keep ya hanging on somehow.

You Don't Count The Cost.

I had an interesting conversation with Dan the other day. It was more a question he asked me, with all the problems I had with them, is trying for a friendship with Janelle really worth it??? That question really weighed on my mind since then, mainly trying to figure out a way to put into words what I feel about it all. Today, while I was on a downer, I was listening to the music I've been adding to the computer. "You don't count the cost" by Billy Dean came on, and it hit right away. Hopefully, with the help of the song, it can give everyone a better understanding of why I put myself in that situation. The following is the 3rd verse of the song, and part of the chorus.

It happens all around us
Each and every day
Someone's giving all they got
For someone else's sake
If you ever doubt it
Just think about the cross
When it comes to love, you don't count the cost

You don't count the heartache
You don't count the sacrifice
All that counts is what you feel inside
It doesn't really matter what is gained or what is lost
When it comes to love, you don't count the cost

Yes, I've been treated like crap. Yes I have been wrongfully accused and disrespected, but that does not matter , not if you're trying to practice having that Christ-Like love for others. I am striving to be a better person, to forgive those who have hurt me and/or my loved ones, and to forgive myself. Maybe I am too attached to the kids I watch, especially Kaitlynn, but it can't be helped if you watch them 90% of their life. I'm trying to have a friendship with Janelle that does not center around Kaitlynn because she's a good person. Some would THINK I feel sorry for her, maybe part of me does. All the problems I have are with Lee, he triggers it all, and yes, I feel at times that she should correct him when he's wrongfully going psycho on those who are just trying to be his friend, but I can't condemn her for standing by her husband. Don't they teach us to cleave unto your spouse???
I don't have to have contact with Lee to be friends with Janelle. He can hate and distrust me all he wants, that's something he has to explain to his maker. I won't be held accountable, I'm trying to be the better person, and I can't be mean or disrespect him because he's Janelle's husband and Kaitlynn's father. Let him say what he wants, I know the truth, and all I can do is pray for him. I'm leaving it all in the Lord's hands, right now, we're communicating through texts and instant messaging. It's all baby steps, and what happens will happen. If we both want a friendship, it will work. Like the song says, "when it comes to Love, you don't count the cost."

A Very Special Mother's Day Wish

I was diagnosed with PCOS, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. For those of you who don't know much about it, basically I have cysts on my ovaries, my body produces more testosterone than normal, and I'm at risk for type 2 diabetes. It also makes it harder to be able to conceive. Since I was diagnosed with this condition, Dave and I have been very unsuccessful at having a child. We've tried and tried, practiced and practice, and had no luck. Over the past 2 yrs, I've had 2 miscarriages, the recent one being back in June.
Very few people know that I'd have a child the same age or a little older, than Tucker. Whenever I hold him, and he smiles up at me, I can't help but think it's my children's way of saying "Hi Mom" through their cousin Tucker. Mother's Day was not an easy day for me to trudge through. I fought the sadness that kept creeping in, knowing that Heather and Emily are mothers. (Heather is a stepmom to 4 kids.) As I was taking care of things on Facebook, trying to keep myself busy and distracted from my thoughts, I got a text message. Thinking it was a thank you from somebody I wished a Happy Mother's Day to, I took a look, and realized it was from Dave, who was working.
As I read the text, my tears started falling. Yes, they were tears of sadness, but also tears of pure love for my husband. I never really realized how deeply he loved me until that text message. This is what it said. " Just because our child is not with us right now, does not mean you do not get a Happy Mother's Day today. I love you!" I take him for granted a lot, and with the issues Lee and Janelle have with me, the way I've felt about myself for the last few weeks, I realized after that one text, that I've been pretty selfish. I've taken Dave for granted and didn't really pay any attention to his needs or feelings. I've been preoccupied, wallering in my self pity.
I am really blessed to have Dave in my life, and I would not trade him for anyone else. He has put up with a lot with me, and I don't know how he does it. I think the world of him, and with that one little sentence, it opened my eyes up to his heart. I LOVE YOU DAVE!