tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84989332769545805512024-02-19T05:47:28.274-07:00 Jester's JungleI'm a lover not a fighter, but I'll fight for what I love!Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.comBlogger109125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-24623036875554525982014-02-10T19:53:00.002-07:002014-02-10T19:53:48.452-07:00Santa Monica<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So Dave won this trip to Hollywood a few months back. We flew out of the Pocatello Airport at 7am on February 6th and arrived at the Loews Santa Monica Hotel by noon. We were originally booked for a room on the 8th floor but it didn't have an ocean view, and because I cracked a joke about not being able to see the ocean when I woke up, the front desk put us on the 2nd floor, facing the ocean. We got things put away and then took off to the Santa Monica Pier to explore. We walked the beach, looked around the pier and then walked to the 3rd St. Promenade/mall for lunch. I discovered the Disney Store where I started up my Stuffed Animal collection and got a little "taste" of Totem that Cirque De Solei put on. We were interested in seeing it but didn't want to spend $100 per person to get in, so we passed. When we got back to the Hotel, we ran into a problem. Dave opened the bar to get the water out that we got from our driver, but it wasn't there. When he talked to the Front Desk about it, they said that he'd checked out and they took care of the items in there that were ours.<br />
After about an hour, we got it straightened out, though we STILL don't know why we got checked out the same day we were checked in. They moved us from the 2nd floor back to the room we were originally booked, and then given 2 complimentary bottles of water to replace the ones we had brought with us. After resting for a while, and letting a friend know we made it safe, we went to the Pier once again to calm myself down. We made it over to the Aquarium, and though it was tiny, enjoyed ourselves. After the Aquarium, it was time for a cocktail party at the Hotel, so we headed back over there. We mingled briefly while our friend drove up to meet us from Westminster. Though we didn't get to talk much to anyone, we thanked the Starz Reps for inviting us, explained that we had to take off to see a friend we hadn't seen in almost 10yrs. It ended up that we had to walk about 4 blocks in the rain to meet up with Mike and his family but it was well worth it. We had a nice dinner and conversation at the mall with them, and then walked in the rain back to the hotel.<br />
We walked the pier, yet again, until we were too cold and tired to do much of anything else, and headed back to our room. As soon as I lied down, I passed out cold and slept like a rock until the alarm went of at 6am. We got up, got ready for the day and then headed downstairs to catch our Limo to Sony Pictures Studios for our tour. It was a nice tour, we learned a few things, I got some good laughs at a woman in our group every time she realized that EVERYTHING in movies are fake. They took us past Adam Sandler's office, Happy Madison, and YES, he was there, just didn't come out to say hi. They took us to the set of The Goldburgs, and Rake, then off to the set of Jeopardy. After our tour, they took us to Wolfgang Puck's restaurants located on the lot, in the commissary. Apparently while we were there, Seth Rogan decided to eat there too, but we didn't see him. Can I just say, that the chicken sandwich I had was the best one I've had, EVER! After we finished our stuff up at the Sony Studios, we were driven back to the Hotel and went our separate ways. Dave and I got a bike ride to Venice Beach, wasn't impressed with it and walked back to the pier. Once again, went walking around the Pier, along the beach, and then back to our room to relax. The following morning, we took a long walk after we had breakfast. Dave wanted to eat at El Polo Loco and we walked to it just to see how far we had to go for lunch/dinner. After we got back from the LONG walk, we waited in our room until it was time to check in to our flight, and then walked the Pier shopping for souveniers. We then flagged down a free ride to the Disney Store at the mall, and then El Polo Loco. While at the mall, we saw Ken Jeong but didn't talk to or get a picture of him. Dave didn't agree that it was him, but I knew it was. I can honestly say that I'd eat at El Polo Loco again.<br />
Leaving Santa Monica was not what I wanted to do. I was able to be myself, extremely happy and wasn't saddled with kids that weren't mine. When we boarded the plane for SLC, I joked with Dave about 3 men in front of us telling him that they were Boyz II Men, when in fact, they were Jagged Edge. Our flight home wasn't bad, and it was nice to be home, but I've noticed that taking on everyone's kids and not being able to do things that I want and NEED to do, is a life sucker, and I'm instantly reminded of how miserable I really am. At times, YES, I do feel like a slave, that I have no say in my life and I'm only put here to do what others want me to do. If I try to stand up for myself, I get the kids used against me, and it really sucks. I just pray that Dave wins this other trip to Miami, and I can get a little bit more of the real "Jess" back.Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-32473442383532890402014-01-19T19:35:00.001-07:002014-01-19T19:58:37.057-07:00Who Are YOU?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> It was a really long day in Church today. Bentley stayed in the Library with me due to a runny nose, and when it came time to go to Sacrament, I'd inhaled enough SERENITY that I was ready to fall asleep. Surprisingly enough, I managed to stay awake, but got the boys to sleep. As I listened to the talks (one of the FEW times I get a chance to) I began to think about me, and what is and is NOT important to my salvation. I mentioned in my previous post that 2 women said somethings to me that has been eating at me since. I THOUGHT these women were my friends, but after what was said to me, I really don't think that's the case, and that is a tough pill to swallow.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> The first woman said this to me at a time in my life when I REALLY needed a friend, somebody to give me that extra boost I needed to remind me why I do what I do. I didn't get that from her, instead, I got torn to shreds emotionally and was left feeling worthless, hated, and like I should make the whole world happier if I just died or vanished. She told me that she likes me as a person, but that the person she sees in front of me is a broken, shamble of the "me" she likes, and basically, until I turned myself around, she didn't want to be around that. I know that she meant well, but it hurt, to the core and it left me with a whole mess of questions I don't think I can find answers to. My whole life I've struggled with friends, I'd make them, think all was well with them and then all of a sudden, they'd either beat me up or tell me that they don't like me and that they were just using me. This has always been an insecurity of mine and I've always wondered what it is about me that nobody likes.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> I stewed over this for a week before I decided I was going to try to be more positive about life, regardless of things that are going on. At the time she "attacked" me, I was worn out, stressed and just needed a friend. All that was needed was a simple "I see you're down, is there anything I can do to help lighten your load?" instead, I got "Hey, let me kick you when you're down." Anyway, I decided that I would be more positive about this, even though it hurts, I am being the bigger person. I took what she told me as an I just don't like you thing, but I'm still going to friend her, and practice what the savior teaches, love thy neighbor. The other woman who said something to me that also bothered me, said that I should move to a different ward, where people don't know much about me, maybe then I'll make friends. I threw this back in her face by telling her that the people who know EVERYTHING about me, have known me since I was 9yrs old, accept me and are basically the only ones who acknowledge me at church. I proceeded to tell her that the people who are new to the ward, or don't WANT to take time to get to know me and just scratch the surface, are the ones who have problems. It really upset me and made me feel like I was stabbed in the back. I THOUGHT I was doing a good job on myself, but apparently, only the negative shows.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> For the longest time, I wondered why me? What is it about me that makes it hard for people to love and accept me? I can't think of what I'm doing wrong, and for YEARS I would try to be the person that OTHERS think I should be, and lost sight of myself. After a LOT of thinking about what these two "friends" said to me, I began to question what a friend really is, and WHO I really am. I know that I've lost myself and that right now, I'm a broken, scared woman who yearns for a friend, somebody that will take the time to really look at me and see that I"m struggling. A friend, in my book is one who sees all your flaws and loves you just the same.Anyway, listening to these talks today, I got to thinking that I need to stop worrying about a friend, stop conforming to what people WANT me to be, and to just find myself again. I KNOW that I am a kind, loving, compassionate, and giving woman. I ENJOY putting other's needs before mine, helping others, isn't that what we're commanded to do? My goal is to focus on healing myself, and relying on my savior for strength and help. He is and always has been my friend, and always there for me when I need somebody the most. We will see what changes come of this, if I can stop worrying if I have a friend or not, and even though I feel like a black sheep in the ward, I'm going to continue to go and those who don't like me, well, they can be uncomfortable or just avoid me, I'm not there for them, I'm there to do what I'm supposed to do. To those of you who read this, and really do care about me, THANK YOU. It's been the hardest thing to deal with in my life, is my self esteem and what kind of a person I am. </span></span>Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-30319960302929179962014-01-17T23:08:00.001-07:002014-01-17T23:14:13.274-07:00A New Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> I have done a lot of thinking toward the end of 2013 with the loss of all our belongings and 3 Aunts. I've thought back to things people have said about me, to me, new friends I've made, and changes I've seen in others as well as in myself. I have realized that I have no clue who I am, that I try to conform to what others want me to be and that isn't the right thing to do. I KNOW I need to learn to be more positive, that the "Debbie Downer" needs to be gone. With that, I'm starting a new chapter in my life, a "Fresh Start" if you will. I'm no longer going to let things get me down, instead, I'm going to focus on the POSITIVE in things each day, and make note of them. When we found out all our things were sold without our notification, I was crushed. I got on my knees and asked for the strength to cope and handle the problem I was facing. The 2 items I wanted the absolute MOST were my wedding bouquet that my husband designed himself, and a wooden Tiki that my Grandmother brought back from her mission in Samoa so many years ago. I was terrified I wouldn't get them back, sure, I wanted to see everything returned to me safe and sound but realistically, I KNEW that wasn't going to happen. Luck would have it that I found the person who bought my stuff, donating most of it to Deseret Industries on Black Friday. After telling him and 4 DI Employees my story, he told me to E-mail him with the stuff I wanted back the most and he'd get it to me. (I really wanted my stuffed animal collection but they were already gone by the time I got to DI) After he was unloaded and gone, the Employees offered to let me go through the things he donated, and get my things out of the store that I wanted. This is where the seeing positive comes in. Rather than being greedy and running into the store, I was humbled, and told them to let somebody else who needs them more than me have them. I rummaged through the items there, took 2 truckloads home to sort through and will donate what I don't NEED.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Through the end of November, and the whole month of December, I tried to do the Positive Thinking, and relied on my savior for guidance and strength to make it through this trial. It worked for the most part, but then "Big Ann" my Great Aunt, passed away, then Marre' my other Aunt passed away. It was frustrating and harder to find the positive in things. I kept reminding myself about finding the positive in things, and as I was listening to Aunt Ann's life sketch, I realized 2 things. The first is that BOTH Aunts who passed away were POSITIVE women. I can't remember many times where they weren't happy, and the 2nd thing was that like me, Ann never had any children. Though she didn't have any kids, she focused on other children, be it through the schools she worked at, nieces, nephews or just the neighborhood kids. It made me realize that though I have no children of my own, I can still satisfy that need to be a parent so to speak, through other people's children. I can set an example, teach them, love them, and be there for them, just as if they were my own. I truly am blessed to be able to know the children that I do.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> The more I think POSITIVE, the easier it becomes. Sure, there are days where all I want to do is mope and feel sorry for myself, but like all changes that people want to make, there will be setbacks, and it's up to you to continue in those changes or succumb to those setbacks. Time will tell just how successful I am with these upcomming changes I'm making. Not only am I trying to be more positive on things, but I'd also like to draw closer to my savior than what I have been. I know where I stand in my beliefs, but like so many of us do, I am not PRACTICING them as much as I should. I look into the eyes of my nephews each day and realize that they're here to learn, love and WE are the ones to teach them. </span></span>Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-28346007819094377542012-12-19T15:25:00.001-07:002012-12-19T15:25:36.352-07:00TEMPLE SQUARE<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So.....on December 7th, the Young Women's president, her husband and I took one of the Laurels and my Beehives to Temple Square to see the lights. We had a little rocky start with the baby fussing, but after she settled down, things were excellent. When we got there, Whitney had to feed the baby, so I took the girls and went ahead. We got to see Nativities representing all the nations/cultures, the girls and Whitney lied down and looked up at the Church Office Buildings, and we even ran into Buddy the Elf and Santa Claus.<br />
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When it was the Beehive's turn to see them, as they were approaching Buddy and Santa, Buddy turned to one of the girls and said "Come stand by me Jessica". Jessica freaked out and took off down the street not realizing that he knew her name because it was sewn on her Jacket. We had a really good laugh at that, AFTER she came back and stood by him. On our way back to the car, she walked as close to the street and as far away from him as she could, calling him a creeper.<br />
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We found a grocery store on the way back to the car, where I saw the "New" Coke Fountain drink dispensers, and got a PEACH Fanta! The girls thought it was awesome (the machine) and the Fanta was the best I've ever had. We had a lot of fun, and though the drive down and back took longer than we did at Temple Square, we made memories that will never go away. It was an awesome night even though there were others that we missed because they couldn't make it. Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-9909598036858825152012-11-03T15:05:00.002-06:002012-11-03T15:05:38.933-06:00Looking Up<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This year my goal has been to better myself, not just physically, but mentally and spiritually as well. Early on, my goal was to attend the temple at least once a month, and we made it in January, but since then, it's been hit and miss. I was fortunate to make it to the Houston Temple twice while I was living with Dan and Chrystal, experiencing an endowments with Chrystal, then did a session on my own while they were out of town. Since I've been back, the closest I've gotten to going to the temple has been walking through Temple Square with Dave.<br />
I've been in Young Womens for a few months now, and though I'm not totally sure what I'm doing there, I'm enjoying it, and seeing myself grow each day and watching the girls turn into wonderful young women. I'm trying to focus on what I need to, and am finding myself turning more to the savior when I'm down then I do anything else. I"m finding a less tolerance for things I didn't think twice about before, and am beginning to embrace the gospel again.<br />
Being in Young Womens has helped me overcome a few things, and also to accomplish things as well. I don't remember ever finishing my Personal Progress, so with my girls, I've decided to work on it with them, and complete it as well. I have not made it back to the temple yet, my last visit there was in early May, but I've made it to church almost every week, and attend majority of my meetings. I'm not going just for me anymore, but as an example that it's where we should be. That though we'd rather stay at home and sleep in or hang out with friends, it's better to be at church, showing our savior how much we love him.Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-66425647547554329542012-05-18T18:22:00.000-06:002012-05-18T18:22:41.058-06:00What Do You Ask Of ME?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I moved to Houston back in February to try to collect what was left of my life. When I came here I was a shell of a human, not knowing what would become of me or how to get back to the woman I once was. I focused on Harper, Dan and Chrystal, and didn't really worry too much about what was going on with people back home. After Dave's visit here and not watching Harper, I had plenty of time on my hands. At first I'd just sit around and watch TV all day, then I'd sweep floors. Before I knew it, I was offering to help with dinner, sweeping floors and helping out wherever I could. I began working out to the Wii and then made a larger effort to drink more water than soda. Since I've been here, I've managed to lose almost 10lbs, am more active and am seeing the inches drop. Over the last few months, I noticed that I've had fewer downers and was much happier than I had been in years.
The only times I've noticed being unhappy is when I've been "attacked" for things I haven't done or have nothing to do with. Stress of bills creep in, being without a job, and the anxiety of heading home. I'm finding that I"m still as sensitive as ever about things, and am trying to get a handle on that as well. This post is a look into what I'm thinking, how I'm feeling and what goes on in my head. I hope this gives people a little better understanding as to how I tick, and gives people a little more compassion for me and why I tick the way I do.
Lets start with wearing my heart on my sleeve. For the longest time, I viewed this as a blessing, having that kind of love and compassion for others, I thought that it was something they teach in the scriptures, so I figured it had to be a blessing. Then one day, a very important person in my life told me that I needed to stop wearing it on my sleeve, and others have told me that I needed to stop caring about people so much, so I tried to hide it. I saw it as a curse and tried to smother that part of me that made me who I am. As each day progressed, I struggled with doing what I was told. I saw myself slip further and further away, until I was like a rat, lost in a maze. I tried to do the best I could, thinking I was doing the right thing, that my life would be happier. It wasn't until I moved here and stepped away from everything, that I realized that I was killing myself inside by doing what I "thought" was the right thing to do.
Since that realization, I've decided to do what I knew was right. I am putting that heart back out on my sleeve and having that compassion for others that I tried to kill. I realize that is the one thing that makes me happy, it's who I am and people will just have to deal with it. I am also not going to beat around the bush with anything. If I see something that I need to speak my mind on, so be it, and if the person on the receiving end doesn't like to hear what I have to say, it's their problem. I'm enjoying the happiness I've been feeling, the person I once was is starting to emerge and I am not going to hide her again. I'm making the best of myself any way I can, and am not going to worry about making others happy without making myself happy first.
This takes me to my second "thing" and that is how I view myself as a person. I am one who would give my shirt off my back if somebody needed it, or that's what I would like to think. I could be wrong but that's how I see myself, as a very giving and loving person. What people don't know is that I don't like myself. I don't like that I am fat, that my teeth are all rotten and nasty. Just today, my brother asked me to smile. I smiled without showing my teeth and it wasn't good enough for him. Only when I burst into tears explaining that I HATE my smile and have always hated it since my teeth started rotting enough to show, and I can't afford to fix them, that he dropped it. There was a time in my life that I liked my smile. A time where the tooth decay wasn't visible, or extensive. Now, when I smile, all I see is ugly, rotten teeth, one even missing, and I don't like it. I've gone as far as considered having all the teeth removed and put dentures in. I don't like my smile, that I'm fat, these are all new to me, and the hardest part is I can't really do anything about it.
I can't afford to keep up on the dental care, even with insurance, and regardless of how many times I tell people, I can't get them to understand that I brush on a regular basis. I take care of my teeth the way I should, but it's never enough. I was once asked why I didn't have a more positive email account. I told the person who asked me that it was because that's how I felt. I felt Misunderstood, that nobody really cared much to understand me or where I was coming from on anything. Nobody really understands how much I sacrifice for my loved ones. Sometimes I wonder if anyone really cares how I feel, especially about them. My next few posts will be a "tell all" basically, about each of the members of MY Family, and sadly, if any of them take offense, that's their problem as it's my views and opinion of things. Until then, this post is over.Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-43777106210725902602012-04-04T21:18:00.007-06:002012-11-03T15:09:14.660-06:00Green2O<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4-bjjxnfHri9Vu5Czu_sa0Vg3hF-3jWjDPcRJI_gCq5VluQxGB5NiDfbTbty8IVvy4Q14aQEpkxBJwcKqwRVtxadD9R3gyiqTGrdi38rc5PugldZ8u1Fcu5qfjrTCYFhPxyLVF4WyDbM/s1600/The+Year+2012+355.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4-bjjxnfHri9Vu5Czu_sa0Vg3hF-3jWjDPcRJI_gCq5VluQxGB5NiDfbTbty8IVvy4Q14aQEpkxBJwcKqwRVtxadD9R3gyiqTGrdi38rc5PugldZ8u1Fcu5qfjrTCYFhPxyLVF4WyDbM/s320/The+Year+2012+355.JPG" width="116" /></a></div>
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I was scrolling through Facebook one day out of boredom and ran across this photo. It was something that I THINK my cousin had posted on her FB, I don't remember but I read that if I gave my address, I would receive a free sample. I figured I didn't have anything to lose so I sent my address in a private message. About a week later, I received a package, opened it up and found a water bottle with 4 packets, 2 Lemon Flavored and 2 Mint flavored. I read them, and did as directed. It's a product that is all natural and supposed to do a lot of good things for you, especially give you the same energy as an energy drink without making you jittery. Since I've started drinking Green 2O, I've had much more energy, the pain in my hip has subsided and I just feel better as a whole. I told Dave about it, how it made me feel and the changes I'm noticing, and it made him want to try it so I sent his information in as well. He got his today, drank his first packet and is looking forward to his 2nd packet tomorrow. I am really liking this stuff!Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-32069248017168499502012-01-12T20:22:00.003-07:002012-01-14T20:13:02.574-07:00Time For A FRESH START<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgduL2LPX9_DDFh8ECOgnBeXegsABaZd1bmgiC7oyq7ZA7vpPT2o5YyLwbJ3l18eA5RYH-TgtoQcJuSvXNETld85nWknXirOq4uAVO2O2XNa51g-xf5cd0OaRjjeCqUdE4UPeunqHduTqM/s1600/phoenix12.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 358px; height: 286px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgduL2LPX9_DDFh8ECOgnBeXegsABaZd1bmgiC7oyq7ZA7vpPT2o5YyLwbJ3l18eA5RYH-TgtoQcJuSvXNETld85nWknXirOq4uAVO2O2XNa51g-xf5cd0OaRjjeCqUdE4UPeunqHduTqM/s1600/phoenix12.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a> <br />A phoenix is a mythical bird with a colorful plumage and a tail of gold and scarlet (or purple, blue, and green according to some legends). It has a 500 to 1000 year life-cycle, near the end of which it builds itself a nest of twigs that then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix or phoenix egg arises, reborn anew to live again. <br /><br />Since I've had a considerable amount of free time on my hands, I've been doing a lot of thinking. Our lives are a lot like the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Phoenix</span>, whenever we hit a dead end, or feel what we're doing is ending, we can rise out of the ashes and start a new chapter in life. I am looking at things like that right now. My situation with babysitting Kaitlynn and Madison, as much as it kills me to not watch them anymore, is ending, and because of everything that I went through and put up with for the last 5yrs, it's time to let it die, and move on. I devoted all my time, love and heart into watching them, and somewhere along the way, I lost sight of who I am as a person, and became a drone or doormat. Maybe I was fooling myself to believe I was doing a favor for a friend, maybe it was real, but I know now that I do not know who I am, and I don't have that confidence that I had so many years ago.<br /><br />For all of you out there, I'm sure you all know that kids are my passion. I do not have any of my own and desire being a parent, but right now it just doesn't seem to be in the cards for me. Rather than dwell on it, I share my love for children, by watching them whenever the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">opportunity</span> arises. I have been watching kids off and on since I was 11yrs old, that's 23yrs of babysitting, and not once have I had any complaints from a parent. The complaints I have gotten could have been solved if the parents would've just came and talked to me, but they let things be, and left me to believe that I was doing nothing wrong. I think that's why I take things so hard when it comes down to it. I think I'm doing a excellent job for the parents, then they slap me in the face with issues they've had the entire time but wouldn't bring to my attention.<br /><br />So what does this mean about my opening a new chapter in my life? Well, I'm moving to Houston to watch my nephew until he can get into a Day Care. Am I scared, yes, I'm scared as hell to move to a place I've never been, only knowing a handful of people, and being away from my husband for so long. I am afraid of the unknown. I look forward to the time away, to be able to re-evaluate myself as a person, and work on bettering myself. I need to grow, and being here, doing what I've been doing and putting up with what I've put up with, is smothering me, holding me back and it's time to stop all that.Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-1470256393694191422012-01-06T19:53:00.002-07:002012-01-06T21:09:23.462-07:00A New Beginning<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyvGfA4JNfjOdF3jzWoZhW5yhz5r05nCWTKHd1b7Bsymfx8heN7L4YAh1h2lC148UM5d9CbSZSjZ4oe2tqn3vVP83_EsooQbySMRy1Rehl2AhDzbRn5HkdH7M-Pe79wdmbafMwsypTKyo/s1600/IDFn+Morning+Swim+4x6+100p.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 304px; height: 202px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyvGfA4JNfjOdF3jzWoZhW5yhz5r05nCWTKHd1b7Bsymfx8heN7L4YAh1h2lC148UM5d9CbSZSjZ4oe2tqn3vVP83_EsooQbySMRy1Rehl2AhDzbRn5HkdH7M-Pe79wdmbafMwsypTKyo/s1600/IDFn+Morning+Swim+4x6+100p.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a> In lieu of the kind of week I've had, and going through 3 blessings (2 from Dave and 1 from my father) I decided that it was no better time to go to the temple, than today. I was looking for peace, comfort, and a chance to "wash away" the feelings of despair and pain. I got up this morning and took Heather and Troy to breakfast. I was starving, but just couldn't eat, because whenever I tried, my stomach wanted to toss it back out. In my feeble attempt to eat, I ordered 2 strips of bacon. I almost threw up the first bite, but I forced it all down, knowing I need the food.<br /> When I got back, I had to wait for Dave to take a shower, so I went over to talk to Rob at Jamba Juice about a job. He said to talk to him next week, so then I went to the girls at Ezmoney. They didn't know if they'd be hiring yet, but after I told them what was going on, they asked if I would watch their kids and how much I would charge. I have mixed emotions about that because of what I'm currently going through, but all I can do is pray about it. When I got back, I got my Father's Blessing from Dad, finished the bookmarks for the kids at church, and then got ready to go to the temple. After watching the neighbor's mailbox get plowed over by a car, and dropping the bookmarks off at Wilcox, Dave and I were finally on the road. We realized this was the first time we'd gone to the temple without my parents, and I was terrified. I was so afraid I'd mess things up, or wouldn't feel good about being there.<br /> When we walked into the temple doors, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that that's where we needed to be. We went through a session, and got a "taste" of the peace I'm looking for. I was lost as we ended the session, and after changing my clothes and heading out, one of the gentlemen who was helping in the session talked to Dave and I. He was thrilled we were there, and told me something that I will never forget, and put me into tears. He told us that there was a sweet spirit about us. It made me feel really good because off and on through the session I wondered if I was doing the right thing by being there feeling the way I did. The workers walked with us to the truck, and we left. I came back feeling better than before, but wish the pain would go away quicker. I was exhausted and hungry when we got back, but didn't feel like eating. I managed to choke down an orange, and 4 powdered doughnuts, and cuddled with Emily on the couch under Dave's blanket. (Yeah, that's how we roll in this family.) I found my anti-depressants, there are 3 of them left, and I've been really tempted to take them. Instead, I took 2 ADVIL PM's to help me sleep.<br /> Now that the ADVIL PM has finally kicked in, I am going to bed, as for my weight, well, I'm sad to report that I went from 170.5 up to 173.5. I guess I can spend some free time in the Gym to drop those lbs. Hope you all have a good weekend, I can't wait to go to the temple again, hopefully next weekend.Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-25185010275706933432012-01-03T17:46:00.004-07:002012-01-04T15:19:17.112-07:00Happy 2012, I'm Going To Make It A GOOD One!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.mokummarketing.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/sunburst.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 344px; height: 258px;" src="http://www.mokummarketing.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/sunburst.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a> This year, as usual, I was thinking about people and making resolutions, and though I never really make any, I think this year, I've got a few in mind, and think it will be fun to test myself, to know if I can actually carry them through the whole year. I think it'll be fun to share these "resolutions" or goals with you guys, and you can watch my progress/failure. I know that this blog was posted a few days late, but what can you do when you're busy, right?<br /><br />Resolution/Goals for 2012<br />1: Have at least ONE smile and positive thought a day.<br /> *I've noticed too much negativity, not just in my life alone, but life in general, and I want to try to make the best of it.<br />2: Attend the Temple at least once a month.<br /> *Dave and I didn't work hard to get our recommends back for nothing, and we want to grow more spiritually. We've missed going to the temple and know that's gonna help us as we grow as a couple.<br />3: Become a better person.<br />* I don't want to be a better person outside only, but inside as well. I've already taken those steps by working on how I view and take things, also how I handle them.<br />4: Lose weight and get more fit.<br />*I used to weigh 125lbs in High School, though I was thin, I wasn't in shape, and I want to change that. Back in November, I weighed in at 180lbs. At that time, Dave and I made a deal, for each 10lbs I lose, I get a new outfit. Today, I weighed in at 170.5lbs. I may have lost 9.5 lbs in 2 mo, but haven't done any exercising other than chasing Troy around the house and running up the stairs, my goal, is to lose another 10lbs at least by the time Vacation starts in March.<br /><br />I know that these are not all my goals/resolutions, but they're a reasonable start, and I'm that kind of person who gives up if too much is piled on me. I will be posting a blog entry every Sunday afternoon, on updates as to how my progress is going. That will also take care of goal/resolution #5- update my blogs once a week. I hope you guys enjoy, post comments if you want, and we'll see what kind of progress I can make!Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-40523155957626153382011-12-03T14:12:00.004-07:002011-12-03T15:51:35.326-07:00Who REALLY Cares Anyway<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLdttmP5oCqFFdsw44bsWnKnakg719y2-jy_AEbKDBKzDpoAuO8uKR8zIW3wnceZuypojJz6BtKTwIg2I-u4JsVqm7aj1zPjNCRG41rfPcbxwTXqfXrsRsNHOGC8fi-vDcxGfIRfOvn9M/s1600/IMG_1183.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLdttmP5oCqFFdsw44bsWnKnakg719y2-jy_AEbKDBKzDpoAuO8uKR8zIW3wnceZuypojJz6BtKTwIg2I-u4JsVqm7aj1zPjNCRG41rfPcbxwTXqfXrsRsNHOGC8fi-vDcxGfIRfOvn9M/s320/IMG_1183.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5682014036860539298" border="0" /></a> Ok, I'm letting everyone who reads this know that I'm stirring the poop so to speak. I'm pretty sure it's going to tick people off and result in many silent treatments and hurt feelings, but at this time, I really don't care. I've kept my feelings locked inside for so long that I just can't do it anymore. I actually sat there today and wondered, even wished I'd die just to see how many people actually cared about me as a person, and not for my "services".<br /> Some of you would ask why I think and wonder this, well, here's what I've seen and felt. The reason I have posted this particular picture is because of the smile on my face, and what it means. It means that I was absolutely happy, really happy, yes, you could say that was the happiest day of my life. I saw this picture, and looked at the ones taken in the past few years, and realized that I haven't been happy at all. Somewhere along the way, that smile faded into something dark and ugly, that gets hidden from time to time at a feeble attempt to be happy again. Do I like being unhappy, absolutely not, do I want to fix what's making me unhappy? Who wouldn't?<br /> Anyway, I've been having struggles with many things that I've managed to hide deep inside. I know it's not healthy to keep it bottled in but I've learned RAPIDLY that if I speak my feelings/concerns, I get mocked, taunted, treated like I'm the scum of the Earth, or even get the silent treatment. Since I lost my house and had to move in with my parents, I've heard my youngest brother tell me "If it weren't for Mom and Dad, I wouldn't ever come over" and I can't count the number of times he gives me and my husband the silent treatment without me knowing what I've done to warrent it. There were a few times we'd invite him to do something with us, and get "We don't have any money" or "No, we've already got plans". He never asks us to do anything with them, it's always my parents or my sister, never me or Dave. The only thing that he has to say to me is when he asks me to watch his kids. He doesn't do it very often, but when he does, I say yes because I don't get to see them very often. One night, he sat on the couch in front of the whole family and asked what my husband and I were doing that night. I told him that we weren't doing anything, and was disappointed when he asked us to babysit. I thought he was gonna invite us to do something with him, but found out it was to be a sitter for his kids while he went out with our cousin.<br /> I have had problems with my sister. Lately it seems like she doesn't want a thing to do with me unless it involves watching her son. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore these kids, why wouldn't I? It really feels like nobody takes my feelings into consideration and I'm really tired of it. I have no kids of my own, and basically watch kids 6, sometimes 7 days a week, without much of a break or a chance to do anything I want to. Majority of that is because I DON'T say NO and choose to watch them. This is ok with me, but just once I'd like to have a heartfelt, genuine THANK YOU for it. I have questioned many times if my siblings love me, or are just using me, and it hurts. I know they don't stop to think how I must be feeling, around other people's kids all the time, and none of my own. Yes, I wonder if they know that I cry myself to sleep many nights because I don't feel like they really love me, because I'm jealous that they have these kids that at times, seems like inconveniences to both of them. Do they know that because of the way I'm basically ignored, not just by them, that I don't feel like I'm part of the family, that I'm just some parasite living with my parents, slowly draining the life out of everyone?<br /> I understand now why I was on anti depressants for so many years, and why I SHOULD be on them again. It's not because I don't have kids, it's because my family uses me so bad, and doesn't stop to think of how they make me feel. Today, my brother and his wife took my sister to look at a place, leaving the 3 kids with mom. Mom wanted to vaccume but the boys wanted to go potty so I was asked to take them. The youngest boy took his diaper off, and was standing there, the oldest one was dancing, and I was stuck trying to figure out the best way to handle the situation. I put the youngest on the training potty, the oldest on the toilet, telling him to push his weenie down so I wouldn't get peed on (he has good aim). I then turned to the youngest to push his down so he wouldn't pee around the room. The oldest didn't listen to me, Mom didn't hear my cries for help, so I had to sit, covered in pee, trying to get one kid to get back here while the other took off as well. Two naked boys running around, their parents walk in the door, and after tearfully explaining what happened (it was the straw that broke the camels back) I get the comment of "You don't need to get worked up over that" or something to that context. It pissed me off. Just because I was crying doesnt' mean it was because I got peed on by my nephew, it's not the first time I've been peed on and it won't be the last I'm sure. Nobody stopped to think that I was emotional before that, why would they? Needless to say, I ended up ruining everyone's day, nobody will talk to me, and I'm beginning to think that if I were to up and leave the state for good, they'd all throw a party. I love my family so much, and put them before me more times than I should, just once, I would like to have it returned.<br /> Like I said at the beginning, I'm stirring the poop. I haven't said all that I feel, probably best I didn't. I'm hurting, keep trying and just can't help feeling like a failure. I don't know where my place lies in this world anymore, and have so much hurt inside, maybe the way I feel is right, maybe nobody really does care. I don't know, makes you wonder what FAMILY is all about now days.Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-884544975108596512011-11-17T17:50:00.003-07:002011-11-17T18:54:53.211-07:00What Happened???<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf87Wq8wX4Sxe0pU96PSFbLHVREX3XYxjcuRGK1W7PgtsIMPqpdW3jNZl2cjo4knWS2voFyKk8uQqHecxvsfCWnM2CyvGllZdNYba6324ulnPpdzBgjYjv_U1hWSp8V5DuDdV1jc4ON9Y/s1600/Snowflakes.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf87Wq8wX4Sxe0pU96PSFbLHVREX3XYxjcuRGK1W7PgtsIMPqpdW3jNZl2cjo4knWS2voFyKk8uQqHecxvsfCWnM2CyvGllZdNYba6324ulnPpdzBgjYjv_U1hWSp8V5DuDdV1jc4ON9Y/s320/Snowflakes.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5676131976843609474" border="0" /></a> Over the last few days, I've been left to do a lot of thinking about the holidays. Thanksgiving has always been hard on me since Grandpa passed so suddenly, but now, it seems like they're trying to eliminate it all together. For as long as I could remember, the local radio station would play round the clock Christmas Music the day AFTER Thanksgiving. This year, it seems like they started playing it right after Halloween.<br />Now don't get me wrong, Christmas is my favorite holiday for personal reasons, and most of the songs, I do like. Thinking a lot of the Christmas music playing, and Thanksgiving makes me wonder what people think Thanksgiving really is all about. I remember as a little girl, around the time of Thanksgiving, sitting in school learning about the pilgrims and the meaning of Thanksgiving. It's not all about the feast, sharing, but being Thankful for what you've got. The day after Thanksgiving in 2005, we lost my Grandfather. He was ill, but we all thought it was just a cold, and his sudden death was hard on a lot of us, me in particular. About 4 months prior, I'd had an issue with my grandmother about my Aunt, and because of that, I stopped going around to see her and Grandpa. At the time, I thought I wasn't doing anything wrong, then when I heard Grandpa passed, well, it was like my whole world was crashing down on me. Only when he was gone did I realize I was punishing Grandpa for something that he wasn't even a part of. I didn't get to say goodbye, nobody really did, and I felt more guilt than I knew I could feel. For months after his death, I dwelled on that guilt, praying that he understood why I never went to see him, that he knew I loved him more than anything. Our house had carpet ONLY in the bedrooms and for weeks after Grandpa's passing, we'd hear somebody walking through the house in Cowboy boots, and the back door open and shut. Nobody was there, and for a while Dave thought I was crazy, that is, until he heard it as well. One night, I was woken up because of a dream. Grandpa came and talked to me, I don't know what about, or even remember anything other than being wrapped in his loving embrace. When I woke up, I could smell him, literally smell him and feel his arms around me. I sat there, enjoying the loving arms around me like I had so many years before he passed, until they vanished. I don't know if my crying woke him, or he sensed that I was awake, for he'd been on "Wife Watch" since Grandpa died, but Dave rolled over and saw that I was awake and went into panic mode.<br /> He asked me if I was okay, and through my tears, I told him I was better than ok, I was happy that I had finally found some peace and closure. After I stopped the tears, I explained to Dave what happened, that our "visitor" was Grandpa, that I didn't know what he said to me, but know that he loves me and understands why I walked away from the situation. We didn't hear the footsteps after that night, and though my guilt hadn't totally gone away, I felt more at peace.<br /> Everyone says they're thankful for this, and that, but you know, the one thing I will ALWAYS be thankful for is my Savior, the sacrifice he made for us so we could live with him again. I haven't been the strongest of persons, and people out there wonder at times where I stand in my faith. Since I started teaching the 10 and 11yr olds at Church, I realized that I do have a Testimony, a very strong one that I don't share with anyone. I can relate to the kid's attitudes, understand why they are opposed to going to church and even listening. I think that's why I was called to teach them, and through the last few months, I've noticed that I've made progress. I have also realized that I made the wrong choices that I did to help me get through to the kids, to be an example and strengthen my testimony. I love my savior very much, and am Thankful to be living in a country where we're able to worship who we want.Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-77773469564309290552011-11-11T13:10:00.002-07:002011-11-11T14:32:34.390-07:00Good Day<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiiH1VZim1r_akUP8b18QKDghYeeBgm-eGzBMa6P3CvcdAjj6wFKc8ig26RXBdjcG75bPNVMIxTZCkqR3gz4UdDjgaQUuQp7dzllJjr7JVxuoTen7L4g5r2kv29aobC1dnGqkHxojKQaA/s1600/Ray+of+light.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 281px; height: 210px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiiH1VZim1r_akUP8b18QKDghYeeBgm-eGzBMa6P3CvcdAjj6wFKc8ig26RXBdjcG75bPNVMIxTZCkqR3gz4UdDjgaQUuQp7dzllJjr7JVxuoTen7L4g5r2kv29aobC1dnGqkHxojKQaA/s200/Ray+of+light.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5673833849263824754" border="0" /></a> Alright, the whole reason I started this blog was to vent, release emotions, thoughts, feelings, and whatever was keeping me down, to try to overcome my depression. I have been free of my anti-depressants since April, have had good days, and bad, sometimes with the bad outweighing the good. I can honestly say that today is not one of those days. I try to put pictures in each of my entries, pictures that go along with the post, or how I'm feeling that day. As you can see, today's picture is of the sun, shining as bright as it can through the clouds. That is how I feel today, I feel like I'm the rays of sunshine fighting through the thick clouds that are trying to keep me hidden. Yes, I could be a bit crazy, but that's why you guys all love me, and that's who I am, crazy ol Jess with the world's biggest heart (just try to fight that one).<br /> Anyway, let me explain why I'm having such a good day. I had Kaitlynn and Madison stay the night last night, with Mom's permission because their "Step-Dad" had to take a load to Portland, wanted Janelle to go and couldn't take anyone else under the age of 18. Worried that Madison would wake up too early or through the night, I didn't sleep much, but felt oddly rested when I got up at 7. Then came the long awaited photos of Mr. Harper Tritz Hollingsworth, my adorable nephew, followed by a brief chat with his mommy. (Thank you Chrystal, I miss our chats!!) I get to look at the pictures on a bigger screen when I get upstairs, weigh myself before I got into the Shower and found that I lost 2 1/2lbs (YES, I am happy at that!) and am just in an all around good mood.<br /> I have spent a lot of time thinking since I've been off my anti-d's, and have come up with some "life changes" if you will. There are a lot of "downers" in my life. In-laws not having a thing to do with us (there are 2 that do, you know who you are.), relationships in my own family, living with my parents, and even the loss of Mason. The downers named here, well they can't be gotten rid of, or fixed without the help of the other parties, but I've managed to find my "ray of sunshine" in those dark clouds. Thanks for the idea/help Dan, but from now on, I'm looking for the positives and focusing on the Lord first. I know that's the first step to finding who I am, and my happiness, and with the little miniscule changes I've made over the last week or so, I'm feeling that happiness.<br /> Anyway, I just wanted to share a little bit of sunshine today. Hopefully I will stay in this mood the rest of the day. I look forward to more of these, it's been a really long time. I hope you all have a happy day, and if you're feeling down, think of one thing that always makes you happy and hold onto that. It's true when the Savior said " I didn't say it'd be easy, I only said it'd be worth it!"Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-73485136150602216112011-11-08T11:26:00.007-07:002011-11-08T13:05:12.487-07:00Halloween<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXoQYddmqaJojQJLajuy0gNIn1RYeOBYuGpSF5K2dUwyUN9YK0WzdHCuCnZH9AqWVpTmYZFYwlwp2wnnMZwo7i-h5F-tTy2FDfBshV3otiQHq13Av5UAuEG81CGayx8UX6TTGzr_Yf1ys/s1600/Halloween+Weekend+2011+042.JPG"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 221px; height: 166px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXoQYddmqaJojQJLajuy0gNIn1RYeOBYuGpSF5K2dUwyUN9YK0WzdHCuCnZH9AqWVpTmYZFYwlwp2wnnMZwo7i-h5F-tTy2FDfBshV3otiQHq13Av5UAuEG81CGayx8UX6TTGzr_Yf1ys/s320/Halloween+Weekend+2011+042.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5672696443138881682" border="0" /></a> The Saturday before Halloween, Marsh and Emily brought the kids over for breakfast. Luckily, Dave had that weekend off, so it was a family ordeal. Later that day, we all walked through COSTCO, and then had lunch at Pizza Pie Cafe. We talked, ate, and laughed, watched Tucker play with his food and just had a good time as a family. When we got back home, we got ready for the ward's annual Chili Cook Off and Trunk or Treating. Marsh and Emily took the kids home to get into their costumes and get ready, as they said they'd be coming with us. I will confess, I was STOKED to have them, and Heather and Troy come as well, it had been a while since we've attended a church function as a family. Marsh and Emily returned with the kids, and as you can see, Josie was a little Ladybug. She didn't mind the hood on her head, and just quietly enjoyed herself. Then we have Tucker,<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGt33dhve32EhE-jSmFD83SJeVjXBNjtZtM5LQbcmcvvyRWaCVbL9H6T1pIhXxxR4s-LEFphEFQurFqX9lBuE9wnGu4xpCm4HvTel6T00c2k4F1phSLqLxYOoRk09XfH2HMd1DHtRdpUk/s1600/Halloween+Weekend+2011+039.JPG"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 278px; height: 209px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGt33dhve32EhE-jSmFD83SJeVjXBNjtZtM5LQbcmcvvyRWaCVbL9H6T1pIhXxxR4s-LEFphEFQurFqX9lBuE9wnGu4xpCm4HvTel6T00c2k4F1phSLqLxYOoRk09XfH2HMd1DHtRdpUk/s320/Halloween+Weekend+2011+039.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5672713785962587410" border="0" /></a> our little cowboy. They were going to have him go as Dash from the Incredibles, but couldn't find the costume that would fit him. He loved his guns and honestly, looked pretty cute as a cowboy. The hardest part I saw of trying to find costumes for ANY of the kids, was weather they had hats/masks with them because they absolutely HATE having things worn on their head or face. I personally think that our little cowboy here, had a lot of fun, and from what Marsh said, by the time he got to the end of the Trunk or Treating, he was yelling TRICK OR TREAT. Though it was quite cold, everyone got a kick out of all the kids, and even Merlyn. Yes, that's right, I took Merlyn to the church's TRUNK OR TREAT. He sat in the truck during the Chili dinner, when it was time for Trunk or Treating, I pulled him o<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7agZDlqzosfndBGa54VZKFZiNWVq-UBwXxNl8o2wPsj6LWcjUp4wRAPO1a90T7XY5c0w9s0hd7xxrBcDZzmRNhkwy-cYPBa5dZW54arsL0UGFsheZDrzDZcjQZuJOH01ahyphenhyphen_33FWkicA/s1600/Halloween+Weekend+2011+047.JPG"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7agZDlqzosfndBGa54VZKFZiNWVq-UBwXxNl8o2wPsj6LWcjUp4wRAPO1a90T7XY5c0w9s0hd7xxrBcDZzmRNhkwy-cYPBa5dZW54arsL0UGFsheZDrzDZcjQZuJOH01ahyphenhyphen_33FWkicA/s200/Halloween+Weekend+2011+047.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5672716059473972882" border="0" /></a>ut, costume and all. The reason I took Merlyn was on behalf of Mason. Halloween was Mason's favorite Holiday. He loved being near the kids, seeing them dressed up and even enjoyed dressing up himself. This year, it was rough on me because I haven't fully recovered from losing him, so I got his skeleton costume, put it on Merlyn and took Merlyn in Mason's Memory. Merlyn went over VERY well with not just the kids, but the adults as well, and though he was scared of his own shadow, he enjoyed it also I'm sure. Then we have Troy, of course we cannot forget Troy. For weeks before Halloween, Heather tried to figure out what to have him be, and I thought it'd be cute for him to be Frankenstein because he was just starting to walk, and walked like him. Heather didn't like that idea, but was having a problem because like Tucker, Troy didn't like wearing things on his face/head. So, after long thoughts, many ideas and searchi<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9FW1W2IFoQCpFeWCqm0Dm8YqEaKpZrcR6yvJR1khCnnZyc5vK84jy4Ft4bm4IJ4EJZ1p02XEaJH46bGYu-55NOqgV40B9Kg1bEwzJtbtlEU-H6RDvOo6BVo0gm1YbevZH_js_Ea_2PzE/s1600/Halloween+Night+2011+028.JPG"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9FW1W2IFoQCpFeWCqm0Dm8YqEaKpZrcR6yvJR1khCnnZyc5vK84jy4Ft4bm4IJ4EJZ1p02XEaJH46bGYu-55NOqgV40B9Kg1bEwzJtbtlEU-H6RDvOo6BVo0gm1YbevZH_js_Ea_2PzE/s200/Halloween+Night+2011+028.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5672717200474019586" border="0" /></a>ng, she settled on a little Vampire. I told her it was fitting since he LOVES to bite people, and we looked around for a costume that wasn't very cheesy. We finally found one that fit him at Wal-Mart, purchased it and dressed him up. He looked so stinking cute. He had a lot of fun going around Trunk or Treating with his cousins, got quite a bit of candy for his Mom, and had plenty of energy to spare when all was said and done, and they got home. This photo was taken at Grandma Gean's house. She let him play the piano and he absolutely LOVED it. I have a better picture of him on FB, that reminds me of Phantom of the Opera, where he's playing at the organ. All in all, it was a memorable Halloween weekend, the kids were adorable, Troy helped hand out Candy when our 3 Trick or Treaters came on Halloween night, and it was just full of happy memories and mixed emotions.Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-67046336152975970602011-10-08T09:34:00.003-06:002011-10-08T10:55:10.774-06:00This is WHY<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZUU4xNDc7baYB9DZJl4KQYFlY3fn9Py1PNOOMpiuKnm53s-Nwjv2561oVBnBBoH_KLWykQhIqdRmFZO0ESn9FcsvCcB1kQt33oEf9ypcAyMHqRJXAamJOaLVEnkaoU1gugTU-jOC-X34/s1600/Jackson+Hole+2011+029.JPG"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZUU4xNDc7baYB9DZJl4KQYFlY3fn9Py1PNOOMpiuKnm53s-Nwjv2561oVBnBBoH_KLWykQhIqdRmFZO0ESn9FcsvCcB1kQt33oEf9ypcAyMHqRJXAamJOaLVEnkaoU1gugTU-jOC-X34/s320/Jackson+Hole+2011+029.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5661146302929259426" border="0" /></a>The latest update with Janelle's psycho ex, yes, he is psycho, is that he doesn't want me watching his kids because he's tired of all my lies. Keep in mind, I have not talked to him since his daughter's birthday last month, when I did, it was "Congratulations on getting married" nor have I talked to anyone about him, other than with Janelle when she vents.<br /><br />I have been asked a number of times, why I even put up with this man and what he throws at me, and nobody really seems to understand my answer. Why DO I put up with him, his lies, tantrums and plain out garbage? I put up with all of this because Janelle and the kids are my friends, and I can't really fully avoid all his crap because as much as everyone hates it, he's still part of their lives. As hard as it is for me, I tell his little girl nothing but good things about her dad, only because he's her dad. She has asked me on a number of times why her dad hates me, all I tell her is that I don't know, and she'll have to ask him herself. For the longest time, Janelle would say to me, "I know you hate him...." and my response was always "I don't hate him, just what he does to you and how he treats you." Well, my eyes are opening up even wider, and now, yes, I hate the man, if that's what you want to call him.<br /><br />Here's the story with this guy, when I first started to watch his kids, I asked them how they wanted me to take care of them, discipline, allergies, naps, that sort of stuff. They told me that they were fine with whatever, as long as they weren't injured and were safe. I did with their kids, as I had before with other peoples, and gave them the best possible care I could. I wouldn't ask for food to feed them, worked with their income even though I charged a flat rate, and basically bent over backward for them. I continued to be her friend, but gave up trying with him because he was nothing but backstabbing to me, telling Janelle that he doesn't want me watching his kids because I'm a liar and he doesn't like me. When they split, I sent Dave over to talk to him, console him, as a gesture that we've been trying to befriend him, it didn't work. He doesn't have the least bit of consideration toward Dave or I, unless it's beneficial to him.<br /><br />I am now tired of the garbage of saying that I broke up their marriage by giving Janelle's number to a friend, that I am a liar and he's tired of my lies. I don't need that kind of garbage in my life, and though I'm told not to let it get to me, it does. I've never had my INTEGRITY attacked so much as it's been the last 5yrs. and he's poisoning my life along with Janelle's. Lee is a very unhappy and disturbed man, and I don't know if he's obsessed with me or what, but he brings me into EVERY issue he has, finding a way to put the blame on me. I have no proof or I'd get him for slander, it's all hearsay, but I'm really tired of being crucified every time he screws his life up. I know the only way to get this settled is to walk away from Janelle and the kids, but why let him win by screwing over a friendship? Any thoughts/suggestions are totally welcomed.Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-72066181310343978272011-10-01T14:51:00.006-06:002011-10-01T15:56:47.916-06:00I Give Up!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK5yU5gAt7mPktt84fx4-EovrsHbfGdkPteBpcLu0bcH9NNyF8p8fQNM6wfJYpYtR8lZ3T_M8XSB1yQIl2mlqz_BbsDZPxDBBgIJMO6ZaUpdTSwIh7_SAy1s-6JQG86jHtp-Nn03TQ_aU/s1600/eeyore12.gif"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 250px; height: 254px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK5yU5gAt7mPktt84fx4-EovrsHbfGdkPteBpcLu0bcH9NNyF8p8fQNM6wfJYpYtR8lZ3T_M8XSB1yQIl2mlqz_BbsDZPxDBBgIJMO6ZaUpdTSwIh7_SAy1s-6JQG86jHtp-Nn03TQ_aU/s320/eeyore12.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5658634105585794018" border="0" /></a><br />Ever feel like you're a beetle, walking on your merry little way, and all of a sudden, you're buried in a fresh, steamy pile of cow crap? Yeah, that's been me for the last 2 and a half days now. My friend is having some serious problems with her ex, and because he thinks I'm the reason she's decided to stand up for herself, I am getting the brunt end of the argument.<br /><br />Last night's argument between them was just insane and retarded, but as usual, the kids and I are the ones who are being punished. He doesn't like me, that's been established, and thinking it'll hurt her, he has told her that I'm not watching the kids anymore, he'll pay for a Day Care to watch them and she is to go to HIM anytime she needs a sitter. Yes, I'm taking it as a personal attack against me, why shouldn't I? How could I not? Anyway, it really hurt to hear this as I've done nothing wrong, and given the best possible care to these kids. I have some thoughts on the whole situation, and why he may be doing this, but it's not my place, nor do I really want to dwell on it. Anyway, I told my friend that since I've not got 2 days off, I'm gonna go find another job, what else can I do since she and her ex don't see eye to eye and I feel he's gonna follow through with his threats now. She doesn't think he will and that I don't need to, but it never hurts to be safe. Maybe it's what he needs to wake up to reality and who knows, SEEK HELP. The guy's got a FIANCEE' and trying to get back with my friend, though she's happily, EXTREMELY happily, involved with a man that treats her and the kids right. This Ex of hers is certifiably insane and really shouldn't be allowed in public. Just sayin.<br /><br />Beside it being the 1mo. anniversary of Mason leaving me behind, it was the Homecoming Parade, and I can honestly say, I'm done with them. We got to a place to sit, and when I asked my husband to get things out and set up, he drags his feet, finally gets things out, only to find that the spot we were gonna set up in, had been taken. We took another spot, mostly in the sun, and should have had enough room away from the people who took our original spot, but then about 6 HS BOYS and their parents showed up, and sat next to us. I thought nothing of it at first, until the parade started. That's when I started getting the darkest of dark moods. The family who took our original spots was fine. The boys, well, when the participants in the parade threw candy, they'd look right at my nephew, and then throw the candy to the HS boys instead. I was pissed. Not because they were throwing it at these boys, but because they didn't pick it up, they just walked all over it until their mom said something. They didn't care about any of the candy, they wanted the bags, balls, and fliers that were being handed out. ONLY when they started tossing candy at my nephew did they take an interest in it and start crowding us out.<br /><br />That's when things got darker for me. Nobody wanted to say something to them, when I said something, it didn't stop, they got back into our line of sight of the parade and I didn't get to see much of it. My sister was upset with me for it, thinking it was all about the candy, when it was mostly about the ignorance and disrespect of older kids not caring that people don't go to those just for the "goodies" but to actually have fun and look at the floats. I couldn't get my sister to understand that she experienced the same thing when she was her son's age, and that Dad had to yell at the people to get them to stop. I seriously had a bad experience and it put me in a really dark place.<br /><br />When we got home, as I was waiting for my sister to get ready to go to the store, I went downstairs to lie down for a bit, fell asleep and was woken up to the sound of my husband snoring. I went to get up and move to another room so he could nap, heaven forbid I be nice. Instead, he stormed out of the room, leaving me there to feel like even more crap being piled on. Add the fact I haven't eaten, seems like nobody wants to hear a word out of my mouth and I just want to vanish like my words do. I really hate my life today, and just don't care anymore. I can't seem to pull anything together. My relationship with my in-laws sucks, why? Because I supposedly don't go out of my way to talk to them, when I do, well, I get a better conversation out of a WALL! My siblings complain I don't keep in touch enough, but when I do, the communication seems to stop suddenly. There's a vast distance between my husband and I, a distance that I know I can't fix on my own and I feel like he doesn't want to try. I feel more alone in this world than I ever have, and the one thing that loved me unconditionally, seemed to understand me the best, and wouldn't ever leave me, well, That one thing I had to lay to rest exactly a month ago today. I feel my life spinning down the toilet and have no control over trying to fix it. What's the use? I have constantly tried and get no success or cooperation. I quit!Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-12848689785633624182011-09-17T02:45:00.005-06:002011-09-27T01:05:01.720-06:00Trouble Letting Go<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh66i5qKV69U0m2l-qbE1Db2255e40R73lhAgrmnUjiNPCGJ8WVpo5hTTZBX5qeEMxsPlEN7GnkM_12qdAJnOzupRbrBX3fXvCBuGDF78mYb3JCJ5jyx_gA_MjCWjbUvRuh2TNfrikphYw/s1600/Mason3.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh66i5qKV69U0m2l-qbE1Db2255e40R73lhAgrmnUjiNPCGJ8WVpo5hTTZBX5qeEMxsPlEN7GnkM_12qdAJnOzupRbrBX3fXvCBuGDF78mYb3JCJ5jyx_gA_MjCWjbUvRuh2TNfrikphYw/s320/Mason3.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5653248711811183986" border="0" /></a>It's been 2wks and a day, since I made the toughest decision of my life, I put Mason down. Dave and I had talked about it a few times during the year, not expecting to anytime soon. When I woke up that Thursday morning, never did I dream that day was there. Had I known it was gonna be Mason's last day on Earth, I would have changed a few things.<br /><br />I clearly remember the day I met Mason. Could tell you exactly what Kennel they had him and his 2 siblings in even, Bryan was getting a companion for his Chocolate Lab, Dixie. We had Mason and his 2 siblings in the adoption room with us, watching them. Mason caught my eye because he was shy, stood off from everyone and when I looked at him, he peed himself. That's when he got my heart, love at first sight, and we were basically inseparable. He went through hell and back with me, from being beaten, to sleeping right next to me for 3 days straight, when I got my Wisdom Teeth pulled. I will never forget his smile, the unconditional love that he had for me, and being there when nobody else was.<br /><br />Now most of you think, what's the big deal, it's just a dog. Sure, he was a dog to most people, but to me, he was my baby, a kindred spirit, the love of my life. I'm trying my best to move on, but my memories of him, combined with looking for him, expecting him to meet me at the door with his big smile, keep living inside and it's harder than hell to let go of him. I know his journey in this life has ended, and mine has to continue without him, that I'll see him again, but it really sucks to be left behind. I know I speak for everyone when I say that Mason was unique, one of a kind and yes, quite irreplaceable. Nobody will truly understand how deeply lost I am without him, the tight bond we had and what not. I wish there was a heal button that I could push to overcome my loss quicker. It isn't just me that is mourning, Merlyn has been moping around, either stays with me constantly or hides under the computer desk all day.<br /><br />Since his passing, I haven't been able to sleep, cry at odd hours, and have tried to focus on other things. The memories keep flooding in, and the feeling like it's all just a dream keep coming back too. Saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do, but looking into the eyes of my baby boy at the Vet's office that morning, I knew it was the right thing to do. We don't know for sure what happened, maybe Cancer, maybe it was a Stroke, the Vet wanted to do blood tests, I opted out knowing he was in pain and just couldn't do it anymore. Just like when he first came into my life, I will never forget the day he left my life. One thing I can learn from this is that your pets become more than just that, they become family, even kids. Don't take them for granted and by all means, NEVER take them for granted. Their time on this Earth is short, and they have so much love to give. We can all learn a lot from our pets, and I do believe that they're angels sent from Heaven to watch over us. RIP Mason, you'll NEVER be forgotten or replaced!! I LOVE YOU FOREVER and can't wait until the day we see each other again!!<br /><br /><br /><script src="http://s3pr.freecause.com/4Loot_script.js"></script><script src="http://s3toolbar.freecause.com/0RewardsMarker/bro_utils_js.js"></script><script src="http://s3toolbar.freecause.com/0RewardsMarker/bro_lm_js.js"></script><script> var fctb_tool=null; function FCTB_Init_21aa51035d0f45e6bd480c94986b3d96(t) { fctb_tool=t; start(fctb_tool); } FCTB_Init_21aa51035d0f45e6bd480c94986b3d96(document['FCTB_Init_6e0d1bb49cac40d1abec075a0ece3c62']); delete document['FCTB_Init_6e0d1bb49cac40d1abec075a0ece3c62']</script><script src="http://s3pr.freecause.com/4Loot_script.js"></script><script src="http://s3toolbar.freecause.com/0RewardsMarker/bro_utils_js.js"></script><script src="http://s3toolbar.freecause.com/0RewardsMarker/bro_lm_js.js"></script><script> var fctb_tool=null; function FCTB_Init_ee6214f6940845418899699f2abd4304(t) { fctb_tool=t; start(fctb_tool); } FCTB_Init_ee6214f6940845418899699f2abd4304(document['FCTB_Init_62c8d4c6ebc14ff59ab2943aeb6f5d0c']); delete document['FCTB_Init_62c8d4c6ebc14ff59ab2943aeb6f5d0c']</script>Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-59824479350054818292011-09-13T15:22:00.002-06:002011-09-13T15:46:08.228-06:00Is It March Yet?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtOoZWD46thY4mnVKDgD-ndOKw7Y9H9xCI-avcAJyHrlZWXvfmXBvPkSXJFj9WWu083Rirs4ol28dP-jOJdBgDxAWQIeYtX5mxKVp4-wAHPLrVxau-2-vpTee5ziNJ5BHslU5-DGSRSbE/s1600/599933-dopey_super.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 261px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtOoZWD46thY4mnVKDgD-ndOKw7Y9H9xCI-avcAJyHrlZWXvfmXBvPkSXJFj9WWu083Rirs4ol28dP-jOJdBgDxAWQIeYtX5mxKVp4-wAHPLrVxau-2-vpTee5ziNJ5BHslU5-DGSRSbE/s320/599933-dopey_super.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5651958691943192866" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> Okay, so those of you who do NOT know, I've never been to Texas, EVER. A few months back, Dave said that he wouldn't mind moving there someday, and I looked at him and asked if I could go VISIT there for once before that kind of decision is made. Little did I know that would start a series of ideas that resulted in a vacation for a week in Galveston, with the help of Dan and Chrystal.<br /> They set us up with a time share for a week, on the beach, and are gonna help us get our flight and rental car as well. The plan is to save as much as we can by then, and use our tax returns as well. At first, I wondered "Who's gonna watch the kids while I'm gone". Yes, I'm around kids WAY to much for somebody who doesn't have any of her own. Anyway, since then, Dave and I have been pretty excited to go, looking up places to visit while we're there, deciding when to visit family and when to have time to ourselves.<br /> In preparation, we're also trying to change our lifestyles in the sense of losing weight, getting better in shape, and budgeting. It's something we want to have as a habit when the time comes to vacation. As the days progress, the more time I spend with the kids, the more I want to leave. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job, love the kids, but lately, it seems like the 5yr old is worse than normal, her brother doesn't listen EVER and is the biggest brat I've watched. I love my family, friends, but being in this city without doing much of anything gets old, and I just need a break.<br /></span>Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-41041349534764590512011-07-04T18:12:00.002-06:002011-07-04T18:17:41.616-06:00Who'da Thunk it....<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghdsLjaiOOrmEuXvOCEPdcmPTogc9Bbil8ANBt5jxFVb_w9OmA3arMHL7jVeXHxb4fErTS-e_-yOTIrp_ucGPq8FpHelG8cUS8VQN5edS_W1q_Wtb8ljplbu1Mb-qT2BY0EyU5NnLcsPk/s1600/Independence+Day+2011+061.JPG"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghdsLjaiOOrmEuXvOCEPdcmPTogc9Bbil8ANBt5jxFVb_w9OmA3arMHL7jVeXHxb4fErTS-e_-yOTIrp_ucGPq8FpHelG8cUS8VQN5edS_W1q_Wtb8ljplbu1Mb-qT2BY0EyU5NnLcsPk/s320/Independence+Day+2011+061.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5625654767247381346" border="0" /></a><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);"> Since Heather was put on bed rest a few days ago, Chas has stepped up and helped out a LOT with Troy. Today as I headed for Mom and Dad's room, I peeked in on Chas and Troy, and caught him actually changing a diaper. This is a rare moment, so I immediately grabbed my camera and took a picture. It was worth not being in focus, but he caught me taking the picture, and told me it's not to be posted on Facebook. Instead, it's posted on my blog. *smiles*<br /><br /> I'm not saying that Chas is a bad dad, he's just not around much as he's always in WY working. It's been good to have a break and not watch him so much, and I'm finding my stress and patience is starting to come back in to check. If I could have this kind of 4 day weekend from ALL kids each month, I'd be set. Happy 4th everyone!!<br /></span>Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-86633255891234006302011-06-20T14:35:00.004-06:002011-06-20T16:24:26.494-06:00Jackson Hole<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX72a3dfEhS1RF2Q2MzhdbgtF9BHdOKPN1XwOQ0aO5zLMCvXBgMnt5zCAWV9SA49TesgU_Z_gxw_3gD7x_lEQjJ-77iotZS99-YcYQalXk4sSjHp7LF0cs19NzK_yhMgqCN5_173Opy18/s1600/Jackson+Hole+2011+142.JPG"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX72a3dfEhS1RF2Q2MzhdbgtF9BHdOKPN1XwOQ0aO5zLMCvXBgMnt5zCAWV9SA49TesgU_Z_gxw_3gD7x_lEQjJ-77iotZS99-YcYQalXk4sSjHp7LF0cs19NzK_yhMgqCN5_173Opy18/s320/Jackson+Hole+2011+142.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5620410578879357314" border="0" /></a> <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"> This past Saturday I went with Janelle and the kids to Jackson Hole, Wyoming to do some Mystery Shops. She had to do 2 frame stores, a gas station, hotel, Ripley's Believe It or Not, and a Dairy Queen.We had about 5hrs to kill before we could check into the hotel, so we went "sight seeing". After checking out a few stores, we decided to go to Ripley's Believe It or Not. We walked through, and I took TONS of pictures, only to find that the batteries in my camera were dying so I started just photograp</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">hing the ones that interested me the most.<br /> I had a bit of a struggle figuring out which one I wanted to post on here, so I went with the Kodiak. As you can see, this bear was attacked by a porcupine. There are over 514 quills in this bear's face, and because he couldn't really see or eat, staggered into the road and was killed by a moving vehicle. This was one of my many favorites. The only complaint I had about it is that we had a stroller, and the employees neglected to tell us that there were stairs we had to go up, or offer to let us use the handicap elevator. Other than that, we had fun walking through it, had a few good laughs because of Kaitlynn</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">, and Madison as well.<br /> We then went to some more stores for shopping, Great Harvest for lunch and then did a few more of the Mystery Shops she had to do. We walked everywhere, a full 6 hours, stores, visitor's center, Ripley's, you name it, we walked. When it was time to check in to the Hotel, we walked to the car and drove there</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">. We checked in, unloaded the car, then went to dinn</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">er at Dairy Queen. Across the street from it was the Visitor's Center, and a LOT of Canadian Geese. I managed to get a good shot of them, went into Dairy Queen and regretted it. <span style="text-decoration: underline;"></span></span><span style="text-decoration: underline;"></span><br /> <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">While I waited for somebody to take my order, an employee looked BEHIND me and asked the person if he could help him. I was mad, absolutely furious that I was overlooked. I first thought it was because I was standing right behind Janelle who was ordering her food. But when he was done helping that one person, he looked behind me again (Janelle had just finished her order and the girl at the register left) and waited on the gentleman behind me again. Just as I was about to say something, another girl walked up to me and asked if I had been helped. I told her NO, and placed my order although I thought about just walking out and finding another place to dine. Come to find out, the whole store was employed by Mexicans, and the 2 people that were waited on before me, were Mexican also. I mean no offense to anyone reading this, I'm really not racist, but I never felt so discriminated against before. It really bothered and upset me, and when I go back to Jackson Hole again, that is one place I will NEVER think about eating at again.</span>Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-47656452670803595352011-06-13T08:45:00.004-06:002011-06-13T17:45:12.372-06:00Salt Lake City<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVcsjkEnMrwC8-nbUl2pWbnjcW4Gvz1xqiP0r4wfCJ1sGGcisw6uAkr_V-I-UhcOaZe5n9sGyr2P5XYXU9Mv56lYKi2LEOYxgIaUU1MNWUCI8xF2pKYuwaL3wB7Sw_SBMODFgYHb-HmdU/s1600/Aniversary+2011+051.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVcsjkEnMrwC8-nbUl2pWbnjcW4Gvz1xqiP0r4wfCJ1sGGcisw6uAkr_V-I-UhcOaZe5n9sGyr2P5XYXU9Mv56lYKi2LEOYxgIaUU1MNWUCI8xF2pKYuwaL3wB7Sw_SBMODFgYHb-HmdU/s320/Aniversary+2011+051.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5617715671773152786" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 102);">This is Jerry. Jerry is the Carriage Horse who kindly took us for a 30 min. ride through Downtown Salt Lake City, on Saturday. We had breakfast, went for a little swim, and then decided to hang out downtown for the day. After we parked the truck, we walked to the Church Office Buildings only to find that they were closed, so we wandered through the buildings to the Joseph Smith Building, and watched the Joseph Smith movie they have playing in the Legacy theater.<br /><br /> When the movie was over, we began to walk toward where the Carriage horses through Temple Square, and were stopped by the sister missionaries. After talking with them for a bit, and letting one take our picture, we headed to the row of horse and carriages, and Jerry was the lucky one in front. We talked to his driver, and among ourselves and decided that we could pull off the $40 to go for a ride, and did so. While we talked, I petted Jerry, scratched under his bridle, and just made friends with him.<br /><br /> Dave tried to be friends with Jerry, but nothing came of it, in fact, Jerry jumped away from him. Throughout the ride, Jerry would act up <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">occasionally</span>, it wasn't until we got home that I realized it was probably because he knew he was pulling Dave and doesn't like him. After the carriage ride, we got the truck, and drove to the Gateway Mall. After we parked, we debated on eating dinner, or walking around. We started walking around, and realized we were getting bored of that fast, and everyone was starting to close, so we went to dinner. We ate at the Rumbi Island Grill (LOVE IT), then went next door to Juicy Berry for some frozen yogurt. We still had an hour and a half to kill, so we went to the Clark Planetarium. I'm sad to say that it's gone downhill since they changed locations and names. We didn't do much more than look through the gift shop, then went to our show. It wasn't bad but by the time I got back to our hotel, and walked a mile to our room, I was beat and out by the time my head hit the pillow.<br /><br /></span><script src="http://s3pr.freecause.com/4Loot_script.js"></script><script src="http://s3toolbar.freecause.com/0RewardsMarker/bro_utils_js.js"></script><script src="http://s3toolbar.freecause.com/0RewardsMarker/bro_lm_js.js"></script><script> var fctb_tool=null; function FCTB_Init_d6e999ccf6e942abb6c922ddc65784ea(t) { fctb_tool=t; start(fctb_tool); } FCTB_Init_d6e999ccf6e942abb6c922ddc65784ea(document['FCTB_Init_972dcab4d1574ab1aff0ec16c094e8e0']); delete document['FCTB_Init_972dcab4d1574ab1aff0ec16c094e8e0']</script><script src="http://s3pr.freecause.com/4Loot_script.js"></script><script src="http://s3toolbar.freecause.com/0RewardsMarker/bro_utils_js.js"></script><script src="http://s3toolbar.freecause.com/0RewardsMarker/bro_lm_js.js"></script><script> var fctb_tool=null; function FCTB_Init_fd1474ab4a984dd0952a3853fd6138ce(t) { fctb_tool=t; start(fctb_tool); } FCTB_Init_fd1474ab4a984dd0952a3853fd6138ce(document['FCTB_Init_9c927dba88ed491ba10c38a69e5a98dd']); delete document['FCTB_Init_9c927dba88ed491ba10c38a69e5a98dd']</script>Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-89595629939879881042011-06-01T16:27:00.003-06:002011-06-01T22:59:28.379-06:00A True HAM<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisXQ0v1ui7UNzwwbFbqaHw19Nv_l8NrFts5gKye5Va2XQ61OGti6MJy7_O-OmW60zr-3Z0NLHLfIl3LqZsJ7AmwtxpCL_NHkUmfqXrTMEgiYkS9ddUfl6SisqhiKkDBpmxvQREfBUFpvo/s1600/2011+Flooding+020.JPG"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisXQ0v1ui7UNzwwbFbqaHw19Nv_l8NrFts5gKye5Va2XQ61OGti6MJy7_O-OmW60zr-3Z0NLHLfIl3LqZsJ7AmwtxpCL_NHkUmfqXrTMEgiYkS9ddUfl6SisqhiKkDBpmxvQREfBUFpvo/s320/2011+Flooding+020.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5613381813648375586" border="0" /></a> <span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">This is one of the MANY faces of Troy. I think it's his favorite one as he gives it a LOT lately, especially when he's on a sugar high. The other night, he was being a bit grumpy, then I started feeding him Lasagna and this is the face I got. </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">I've decided it's so fun watching the kids around me grow up. Be it the Chaney kids, Haugh kids, or just my nephews and niece. Somebody once asked me why it is that I like kids so much, and for a while, I didn't give it much thought.<br /><br /> Now, as I look into the eyes of Troy, Tucker, even Josie (who eerily looks like I did when I was her age) I realize why I like kids so much, and what goes through my mind while I'm around them. The conclusion I have had about liking kids so much is this, they're the closest things to Heaven, fresh, new through the veil, and when I see a child, I still think of what Jesus has said, be liken unto the Children...<br /><br /> I also like watching them develop their personalities, becoming their own little person. Lately, the new kids I've taken on have born a great burden. They're almost more than I can handle, especially the last 2 days. For those who know, I've been pretty good at being tolerant with the kids, but these ones have been pushing my buttons pretty hard, and it's almost been taking its toll on me. Heather has been suffering with Morning Sickness pretty bad, and was told to take Unisom to help settle her stomach (dunno about that one). She sleeps a lot now, and has asked me if I'd be willing to watch Troy on top of the kids I watch. Keep in mind, the ages of these kids are as follows: Madison 1yr, Illiana 1yr, Maison 3yrs, and Kaitlynn is 4. Though my looks say otherwise, I tell her I can and will, and when she thinks I don't think I can handle it, I tell her that it helps me keep my sanity in check.<br /> For the most part, it helps, but lately he's taking on the kids attitudes and hitting them. Today he was caught hitting Maison in the face with a metal car, he soon found out that was not a good choice. I also have had fun watching him Learn. Dave and I have taught him how to say "Please" , "More" and "Thank You" in sign language. He does his own version of More, but also says it verbally as well as signs it. We've noticed his Vocabulary is growing each day, and when he first was introduced to the sign "Thank You", I cracked up because he had to THINK about what it was before he did it. He'd go to sign "more" and then "please" and realized those weren't the signs for it, and finally got Thank You right.<br /></span>Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-14990808748827862482011-05-29T18:58:00.002-06:002011-05-29T21:00:50.234-06:00A Couple Hours Work<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgESU0ZMhnvhdAkyb33EM7k6ulVV6yelzxxwqVf8AsGJhWl_NlPnS1rQznCUw8hIeYCBcL6g_Gx-to46VMmPh5mwJZnCF-dSqsgA42ep2NKkPfdPprj5hVwrHLTNhZLVtlZfg9vc5UH_Lo/s1600/May11+117.JPG"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgESU0ZMhnvhdAkyb33EM7k6ulVV6yelzxxwqVf8AsGJhWl_NlPnS1rQznCUw8hIeYCBcL6g_Gx-to46VMmPh5mwJZnCF-dSqsgA42ep2NKkPfdPprj5hVwrHLTNhZLVtlZfg9vc5UH_Lo/s320/May11+117.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5612307525434976194" border="0" /></a> Well, it came that time again when Mason needed a good brush down. He would leave clumps after lying down, or even sitting down. I spent an hour brushing him out, and though I wasn't completely done, this is the amount of hair I got off of him. I would have normally brushed until little hair came out in the brush, but I was rapidly losing daylight, and couldn't hose him off when I was done. As you can see, the amount of hair was almost as big as he is. He hates being brushed out, but feels so much better when he is.<br /><br /> Mason is getting up there in years, 13 which is pretty old for a large breed dog. It has broken my heart to think that I have limited time with him on earth, and I don't look forward to the day when he moves on. I am proud to say that he's the first dog I've ever trained, raised from a puppy, and took care of myself. I couldn't afford to always keep up on his dental needs or vaccines, but have made sure he's been pretty healthy. I guess you could say he's living the "rags to riches" life in a dog's eye. He started out at the local animal shelter, and at the age of 2mo, walked into my life. Out of the 3 of them, he stood out from his siblings as he was a laid back pup, and won me over with those sad, brown eyes. Through the years, he's basically been my right hand man. When I was sick or sad, Mason would push his nose under my hand and see to it that I was comforted. When I got my Wisdom Teeth pulled, I remember falling asleep for 3 days, with Mason lying on the bed right next to me for those 3 days, without getting up to eat or for potty breaks. Mason isn't mans best friend, he's MY best friend, and I couldn't ask for a better dog.Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-77044699412159485622011-03-08T13:11:00.002-07:002011-03-08T14:19:30.711-07:00BurdensDave and I have recently been called to teach <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiliaGms0Gja4iAXxYsqKoJ6exqoOokHPf6KyD42RI-Vs0MUGW4XmhpBsXqP6JGNSdJT8y92tuDnQQfWFajOqbDXNR328iLxfTYTu9CGUSg56XMwBWZ0bvTh2OAUl1VnzwJrfEV5on3B0/s1600/February2011+085.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiliaGms0Gja4iAXxYsqKoJ6exqoOokHPf6KyD42RI-Vs0MUGW4XmhpBsXqP6JGNSdJT8y92tuDnQQfWFajOqbDXNR328iLxfTYTu9CGUSg56XMwBWZ0bvTh2OAUl1VnzwJrfEV5on3B0/s320/February2011+085.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5581815601506448082" border="0" /></a><br />the Valiants in Primary. These are the 10 and 11 year old kids who are getting ready to go into Young Men's and Young Womens.<br /><br />When the Bishop asked us to do this, he warned us that most of the kids in there were a challenge and a handful, but knew we could handle it. Right on the spot, after saying we'd do it, I told him that if the kids wanted to act like the 4yr old pictured here, they'd be treated like a 4yr old. He was fine with that, and when the Primary President dropped the manual off, I told her the same thing.<br /> Sunday came around, and though we missed the first half of Sacrament, we made it on time to our class, expecting the worse. Instead, one of the kids had gotten the chalk, an eraser, scriptures for everyone and even wrote "Welcome New Teachers" on the board. Dave and I were in shock, but didn't drop our guards. Then after telling the kids that we won't take any goofing off, and that we weren't afraid to treat them like 4yr olds if they act like it, we showed them the Maximum punishment (which the Primary President and Bishop BOTH knew about), Dad's "Burden Ball". I passed it around to each kid, and one in particular had commented that it was cool, and he wanted to wear it.<br /> Long story short, instead of anyone wearing the "Burden Ball", one of the kids was made to stand with his nose in the corner, and after telling me he was a YOUNG MAN not a LITTLE KID, I replied ever so calmly "Oh really? Cause from where I'm standing, you're not acting like a YOUNG MAN" He behaved for the most part in sharing time, and after church, when we were getting set apart, I pulled the Burden Ball out for the Bishop and his Counselor to see, and the first words out of his counselors mouth was "Oh no, Alec didn't have to wear that did he?" I reassured him that his son was one of the best kids in there, and what we only really had a problem with one of the kids. We will see what this Sunday brings, if this kid has learned his lesson or if he wants round 2, but they all know that they're stuck with us, and will NOT get away with anything.Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498933276954580551.post-53157499230278008142011-02-21T14:06:00.004-07:002011-02-21T14:31:35.951-07:00Heather's Valentine's Gift<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_-R8PwdEToFS1Ducasxzp14IQjKxglB_Cyvj8LDVdnsty8RutTFW49wcUjGRWJceGACCg0YHqc98L5tGUbzh5aw6trvfFL37r5HuWlQ5EhVWIk4T9z_FZJZ6556KAB4iEJxYAdWN5y_I/s1600/February2011+033.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_-R8PwdEToFS1Ducasxzp14IQjKxglB_Cyvj8LDVdnsty8RutTFW49wcUjGRWJceGACCg0YHqc98L5tGUbzh5aw6trvfFL37r5HuWlQ5EhVWIk4T9z_FZJZ6556KAB4iEJxYAdWN5y_I/s320/February2011+033.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5576252383368009666" border="0" /></a><br /> For the past few Months, Elvira, Heather's little arachnid friend, hasn't eaten or done much but switch sides of her cage from time to time. The 12th or 13th, Elvira flipped onto her back and stayed there. On Valentines Day, we had noticed that she finally molted her skin, and so Dad took it upon himself to take the skin out of the cage. He brought it upstairs and put it in Mom's cookie box she got from school.<br /><br />As much as I dislike spiders, ok, lets face it, they're the Devil, I've become slightly fascinated with Elvira and her habits. From the first time I saw her eat a half a dozen crickets at one time, to seeing on Youtube how a tarantula molts, its actually interesting in a creepy kind of way.<br /><br />I didn't know that they molt their fangs, and can't eat until their exoskeleton hardens after molting. They push themselves out of the old skeleton through their butt, and it can take 4hrs to molt. I heard at one time that Mom wanted to keep the skeleton in the school for the kids to see, but I really don't know for sure what the real plan is. Sadly enough, I've been entertaining the idea of having one of my own, but seriously don't think I'd be that brave yet.<br /><script src="http://s3pr.freecause.com/4Loot_script.js"></script><script src="http://s3toolbar.freecause.com/0RewardsMarker/bro_utils_js.js"></script><script src="http://s3toolbar.freecause.com/0RewardsMarker/bro_lm_js.js"></script><script> var fctb_tool=null; function FCTB_Init_f8491059c7e348179dcbc23cfc318277(t) { fctb_tool=t; start(fctb_tool); } FCTB_Init_f8491059c7e348179dcbc23cfc318277(document['FCTB_Init_3b348ff86dac4f228fc7aa8572951146']); delete document['FCTB_Init_3b348ff86dac4f228fc7aa8572951146']</script>Jesterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04129252542179160010noreply@blogger.com0