A New Day

   I have done a lot of thinking toward the end of 2013 with the loss of all our belongings and 3 Aunts. I've thought back to things people have said about me, to me, new friends I've made, and changes I've seen in others as well as in myself. I have realized that I have no clue who I am, that I try to conform to what others want me to be and that isn't the right thing to do. I KNOW I need to learn to be more positive, that the "Debbie Downer" needs to be gone. With that, I'm starting a new chapter in my life, a "Fresh Start" if you will. I'm no longer going to let things get me down, instead, I'm going to focus on the POSITIVE in things each day, and make note of them. When we found out all our things were sold without our notification, I was crushed. I got on my knees and asked for the strength to cope and handle the problem I was facing. The 2 items I wanted the absolute MOST were my wedding bouquet that my husband designed himself, and a wooden Tiki that my Grandmother brought back from her mission in Samoa so many years ago. I was terrified I wouldn't get them back, sure, I wanted to see everything returned to me safe and sound but realistically, I KNEW that wasn't going to happen. Luck would have it that I found the person who bought my stuff, donating most of it to Deseret Industries on Black Friday. After telling him and 4 DI Employees my story, he told me to E-mail him with the stuff I wanted back the most and he'd get it to me. (I really wanted my stuffed animal collection but they were already gone by the time I got to DI) After he was unloaded and gone, the Employees offered to let me go through the things he donated, and get my things out of the store that I wanted. This is where the seeing positive comes in. Rather than being greedy and running into the store, I was humbled, and told them to let somebody else who needs them more than me have them. I rummaged through the items there, took 2 truckloads home to sort through and will donate what I don't NEED.
   Through the end of November, and the whole month of December, I tried to do the Positive Thinking, and relied on my savior for guidance and strength to make it through this trial. It worked for the most part, but then "Big Ann" my Great Aunt, passed away, then Marre' my other Aunt passed away. It was frustrating and harder to find the positive in things. I kept reminding myself about finding the positive in things, and as I was listening to Aunt Ann's life sketch, I realized 2 things. The first is that BOTH Aunts who passed away were POSITIVE women. I can't remember many times where they weren't happy, and the 2nd thing was that like me, Ann never had any children. Though she didn't have any kids, she focused on other children, be it through the schools she worked at, nieces, nephews or just the neighborhood kids. It made me realize that though I have no children of my own, I can still satisfy that need to be a parent so to speak, through other people's children. I can set an example, teach them, love them, and be there for them, just as if they were my own. I truly am blessed to be able to know the children that I do.
   The more I think POSITIVE, the easier it becomes. Sure, there are days where all I want to do is mope and feel sorry for myself, but like all changes that people want to make, there will be setbacks, and it's up to you to continue in those changes or succumb to those setbacks. Time will tell just how successful I am with these upcomming changes I'm making. Not only am I trying to be more positive on things, but I'd also like to draw closer to my savior than what I have been. I know where I stand in my beliefs, but like so many of us do, I am not PRACTICING them as much as I should. I look into the eyes of my nephews each day and realize that they're here to learn, love and WE are the ones to teach them.