Trouble Letting Go

It's been 2wks and a day, since I made the toughest decision of my life, I put Mason down. Dave and I had talked about it a few times during the year, not expecting to anytime soon. When I woke up that Thursday morning, never did I dream that day was there. Had I known it was gonna be Mason's last day on Earth, I would have changed a few things.

I clearly remember the day I met Mason. Could tell you exactly what Kennel they had him and his 2 siblings in even, Bryan was getting a companion for his Chocolate Lab, Dixie. We had Mason and his 2 siblings in the adoption room with us, watching them. Mason caught my eye because he was shy, stood off from everyone and when I looked at him, he peed himself. That's when he got my heart, love at first sight, and we were basically inseparable. He went through hell and back with me, from being beaten, to sleeping right next to me for 3 days straight, when I got my Wisdom Teeth pulled. I will never forget his smile, the unconditional love that he had for me, and being there when nobody else was.

Now most of you think, what's the big deal, it's just a dog. Sure, he was a dog to most people, but to me, he was my baby, a kindred spirit, the love of my life. I'm trying my best to move on, but my memories of him, combined with looking for him, expecting him to meet me at the door with his big smile, keep living inside and it's harder than hell to let go of him. I know his journey in this life has ended, and mine has to continue without him, that I'll see him again, but it really sucks to be left behind. I know I speak for everyone when I say that Mason was unique, one of a kind and yes, quite irreplaceable. Nobody will truly understand how deeply lost I am without him, the tight bond we had and what not. I wish there was a heal button that I could push to overcome my loss quicker. It isn't just me that is mourning, Merlyn has been moping around, either stays with me constantly or hides under the computer desk all day.

Since his passing, I haven't been able to sleep, cry at odd hours, and have tried to focus on other things. The memories keep flooding in, and the feeling like it's all just a dream keep coming back too. Saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do, but looking into the eyes of my baby boy at the Vet's office that morning, I knew it was the right thing to do. We don't know for sure what happened, maybe Cancer, maybe it was a Stroke, the Vet wanted to do blood tests, I opted out knowing he was in pain and just couldn't do it anymore. Just like when he first came into my life, I will never forget the day he left my life. One thing I can learn from this is that your pets become more than just that, they become family, even kids. Don't take them for granted and by all means, NEVER take them for granted. Their time on this Earth is short, and they have so much love to give. We can all learn a lot from our pets, and I do believe that they're angels sent from Heaven to watch over us. RIP Mason, you'll NEVER be forgotten or replaced!! I LOVE YOU FOREVER and can't wait until the day we see each other again!!

Is It March Yet?

Okay, so those of you who do NOT know, I've never been to Texas, EVER. A few months back, Dave said that he wouldn't mind moving there someday, and I looked at him and asked if I could go VISIT there for once before that kind of decision is made. Little did I know that would start a series of ideas that resulted in a vacation for a week in Galveston, with the help of Dan and Chrystal.
They set us up with a time share for a week, on the beach, and are gonna help us get our flight and rental car as well. The plan is to save as much as we can by then, and use our tax returns as well. At first, I wondered "Who's gonna watch the kids while I'm gone". Yes, I'm around kids WAY to much for somebody who doesn't have any of her own. Anyway, since then, Dave and I have been pretty excited to go, looking up places to visit while we're there, deciding when to visit family and when to have time to ourselves.
In preparation, we're also trying to change our lifestyles in the sense of losing weight, getting better in shape, and budgeting. It's something we want to have as a habit when the time comes to vacation. As the days progress, the more time I spend with the kids, the more I want to leave. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job, love the kids, but lately, it seems like the 5yr old is worse than normal, her brother doesn't listen EVER and is the biggest brat I've watched. I love my family, friends, but being in this city without doing much of anything gets old, and I just need a break.