Trouble Letting Go

It's been 2wks and a day, since I made the toughest decision of my life, I put Mason down. Dave and I had talked about it a few times during the year, not expecting to anytime soon. When I woke up that Thursday morning, never did I dream that day was there. Had I known it was gonna be Mason's last day on Earth, I would have changed a few things.

I clearly remember the day I met Mason. Could tell you exactly what Kennel they had him and his 2 siblings in even, Bryan was getting a companion for his Chocolate Lab, Dixie. We had Mason and his 2 siblings in the adoption room with us, watching them. Mason caught my eye because he was shy, stood off from everyone and when I looked at him, he peed himself. That's when he got my heart, love at first sight, and we were basically inseparable. He went through hell and back with me, from being beaten, to sleeping right next to me for 3 days straight, when I got my Wisdom Teeth pulled. I will never forget his smile, the unconditional love that he had for me, and being there when nobody else was.

Now most of you think, what's the big deal, it's just a dog. Sure, he was a dog to most people, but to me, he was my baby, a kindred spirit, the love of my life. I'm trying my best to move on, but my memories of him, combined with looking for him, expecting him to meet me at the door with his big smile, keep living inside and it's harder than hell to let go of him. I know his journey in this life has ended, and mine has to continue without him, that I'll see him again, but it really sucks to be left behind. I know I speak for everyone when I say that Mason was unique, one of a kind and yes, quite irreplaceable. Nobody will truly understand how deeply lost I am without him, the tight bond we had and what not. I wish there was a heal button that I could push to overcome my loss quicker. It isn't just me that is mourning, Merlyn has been moping around, either stays with me constantly or hides under the computer desk all day.

Since his passing, I haven't been able to sleep, cry at odd hours, and have tried to focus on other things. The memories keep flooding in, and the feeling like it's all just a dream keep coming back too. Saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do, but looking into the eyes of my baby boy at the Vet's office that morning, I knew it was the right thing to do. We don't know for sure what happened, maybe Cancer, maybe it was a Stroke, the Vet wanted to do blood tests, I opted out knowing he was in pain and just couldn't do it anymore. Just like when he first came into my life, I will never forget the day he left my life. One thing I can learn from this is that your pets become more than just that, they become family, even kids. Don't take them for granted and by all means, NEVER take them for granted. Their time on this Earth is short, and they have so much love to give. We can all learn a lot from our pets, and I do believe that they're angels sent from Heaven to watch over us. RIP Mason, you'll NEVER be forgotten or replaced!! I LOVE YOU FOREVER and can't wait until the day we see each other again!!

Is It March Yet?

Okay, so those of you who do NOT know, I've never been to Texas, EVER. A few months back, Dave said that he wouldn't mind moving there someday, and I looked at him and asked if I could go VISIT there for once before that kind of decision is made. Little did I know that would start a series of ideas that resulted in a vacation for a week in Galveston, with the help of Dan and Chrystal.
They set us up with a time share for a week, on the beach, and are gonna help us get our flight and rental car as well. The plan is to save as much as we can by then, and use our tax returns as well. At first, I wondered "Who's gonna watch the kids while I'm gone". Yes, I'm around kids WAY to much for somebody who doesn't have any of her own. Anyway, since then, Dave and I have been pretty excited to go, looking up places to visit while we're there, deciding when to visit family and when to have time to ourselves.
In preparation, we're also trying to change our lifestyles in the sense of losing weight, getting better in shape, and budgeting. It's something we want to have as a habit when the time comes to vacation. As the days progress, the more time I spend with the kids, the more I want to leave. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job, love the kids, but lately, it seems like the 5yr old is worse than normal, her brother doesn't listen EVER and is the biggest brat I've watched. I love my family, friends, but being in this city without doing much of anything gets old, and I just need a break.

Who'da Thunk it....

Since Heather was put on bed rest a few days ago, Chas has stepped up and helped out a LOT with Troy. Today as I headed for Mom and Dad's room, I peeked in on Chas and Troy, and caught him actually changing a diaper. This is a rare moment, so I immediately grabbed my camera and took a picture. It was worth not being in focus, but he caught me taking the picture, and told me it's not to be posted on Facebook. Instead, it's posted on my blog. *smiles*

I'm not saying that Chas is a bad dad, he's just not around much as he's always in WY working. It's been good to have a break and not watch him so much, and I'm finding my stress and patience is starting to come back in to check. If I could have this kind of 4 day weekend from ALL kids each month, I'd be set. Happy 4th everyone!!

Jackson Hole

This past Saturday I went with Janelle and the kids to Jackson Hole, Wyoming to do some Mystery Shops. She had to do 2 frame stores, a gas station, hotel, Ripley's Believe It or Not, and a Dairy Queen.We had about 5hrs to kill before we could check into the hotel, so we went "sight seeing". After checking out a few stores, we decided to go to Ripley's Believe It or Not. We walked through, and I took TONS of pictures, only to find that the batteries in my camera were dying so I started just photographing the ones that interested me the most.
I had a bit of a struggle figuring out which one I wanted to post on here, so I went with the Kodiak. As you can see, this bear was attacked by a porcupine. There are over 514 quills in this bear's face, and because he couldn't really see or eat, staggered into the road and was killed by a moving vehicle. This was one of my many favorites. The only complaint I had about it is that we had a stroller, and the employees neglected to tell us that there were stairs we had to go up, or offer to let us use the handicap elevator. Other than that, we had fun walking through it, had a few good laughs because of Kaitlynn, and Madison as well.
We then went to some more stores for shopping, Great Harvest for lunch and then did a few more of the Mystery Shops she had to do. We walked everywhere, a full 6 hours, stores, visitor's center, Ripley's, you name it, we walked. When it was time to check in to the Hotel, we walked to the car and drove there. We checked in, unloaded the car, then went to dinner at Dairy Queen. Across the street from it was the Visitor's Center, and a LOT of Canadian Geese. I managed to get a good shot of them, went into Dairy Queen and regretted it.
While I waited for somebody to take my order, an employee looked BEHIND me and asked the person if he could help him. I was mad, absolutely furious that I was overlooked. I first thought it was because I was standing right behind Janelle who was ordering her food. But when he was done helping that one person, he looked behind me again (Janelle had just finished her order and the girl at the register left) and waited on the gentleman behind me again. Just as I was about to say something, another girl walked up to me and asked if I had been helped. I told her NO, and placed my order although I thought about just walking out and finding another place to dine. Come to find out, the whole store was employed by Mexicans, and the 2 people that were waited on before me, were Mexican also. I mean no offense to anyone reading this, I'm really not racist, but I never felt so discriminated against before. It really bothered and upset me, and when I go back to Jackson Hole again, that is one place I will NEVER think about eating at again.

Salt Lake City

This is Jerry. Jerry is the Carriage Horse who kindly took us for a 30 min. ride through Downtown Salt Lake City, on Saturday. We had breakfast, went for a little swim, and then decided to hang out downtown for the day. After we parked the truck, we walked to the Church Office Buildings only to find that they were closed, so we wandered through the buildings to the Joseph Smith Building, and watched the Joseph Smith movie they have playing in the Legacy theater.

When the movie was over, we began to walk toward where the Carriage horses through Temple Square, and were stopped by the sister missionaries. After talking with them for a bit, and letting one take our picture, we headed to the row of horse and carriages, and Jerry was the lucky one in front. We talked to his driver, and among ourselves and decided that we could pull off the $40 to go for a ride, and did so. While we talked, I petted Jerry, scratched under his bridle, and just made friends with him.

Dave tried to be friends with Jerry, but nothing came of it, in fact, Jerry jumped away from him. Throughout the ride, Jerry would act up occasionally, it wasn't until we got home that I realized it was probably because he knew he was pulling Dave and doesn't like him. After the carriage ride, we got the truck, and drove to the Gateway Mall. After we parked, we debated on eating dinner, or walking around. We started walking around, and realized we were getting bored of that fast, and everyone was starting to close, so we went to dinner. We ate at the Rumbi Island Grill (LOVE IT), then went next door to Juicy Berry for some frozen yogurt. We still had an hour and a half to kill, so we went to the Clark Planetarium. I'm sad to say that it's gone downhill since they changed locations and names. We didn't do much more than look through the gift shop, then went to our show. It wasn't bad but by the time I got back to our hotel, and walked a mile to our room, I was beat and out by the time my head hit the pillow.

A True HAM

This is one of the MANY faces of Troy. I think it's his favorite one as he gives it a LOT lately, especially when he's on a sugar high. The other night, he was being a bit grumpy, then I started feeding him Lasagna and this is the face I got. I've decided it's so fun watching the kids around me grow up. Be it the Chaney kids, Haugh kids, or just my nephews and niece. Somebody once asked me why it is that I like kids so much, and for a while, I didn't give it much thought.

Now, as I look into the eyes of Troy, Tucker, even Josie (who eerily looks like I did when I was her age) I realize why I like kids so much, and what goes through my mind while I'm around them. The conclusion I have had about liking kids so much is this, they're the closest things to Heaven, fresh, new through the veil, and when I see a child, I still think of what Jesus has said, be liken unto the Children...

I also like watching them develop their personalities, becoming their own little person. Lately, the new kids I've taken on have born a great burden. They're almost more than I can handle, especially the last 2 days. For those who know, I've been pretty good at being tolerant with the kids, but these ones have been pushing my buttons pretty hard, and it's almost been taking its toll on me. Heather has been suffering with Morning Sickness pretty bad, and was told to take Unisom to help settle her stomach (dunno about that one). She sleeps a lot now, and has asked me if I'd be willing to watch Troy on top of the kids I watch. Keep in mind, the ages of these kids are as follows: Madison 1yr, Illiana 1yr, Maison 3yrs, and Kaitlynn is 4. Though my looks say otherwise, I tell her I can and will, and when she thinks I don't think I can handle it, I tell her that it helps me keep my sanity in check.
For the most part, it helps, but lately he's taking on the kids attitudes and hitting them. Today he was caught hitting Maison in the face with a metal car, he soon found out that was not a good choice. I also have had fun watching him Learn. Dave and I have taught him how to say "Please" , "More" and "Thank You" in sign language. He does his own version of More, but also says it verbally as well as signs it. We've noticed his Vocabulary is growing each day, and when he first was introduced to the sign "Thank You", I cracked up because he had to THINK about what it was before he did it. He'd go to sign "more" and then "please" and realized those weren't the signs for it, and finally got Thank You right.

A Couple Hours Work

Well, it came that time again when Mason needed a good brush down. He would leave clumps after lying down, or even sitting down. I spent an hour brushing him out, and though I wasn't completely done, this is the amount of hair I got off of him. I would have normally brushed until little hair came out in the brush, but I was rapidly losing daylight, and couldn't hose him off when I was done. As you can see, the amount of hair was almost as big as he is. He hates being brushed out, but feels so much better when he is.

Mason is getting up there in years, 13 which is pretty old for a large breed dog. It has broken my heart to think that I have limited time with him on earth, and I don't look forward to the day when he moves on. I am proud to say that he's the first dog I've ever trained, raised from a puppy, and took care of myself. I couldn't afford to always keep up on his dental needs or vaccines, but have made sure he's been pretty healthy. I guess you could say he's living the "rags to riches" life in a dog's eye. He started out at the local animal shelter, and at the age of 2mo, walked into my life. Out of the 3 of them, he stood out from his siblings as he was a laid back pup, and won me over with those sad, brown eyes. Through the years, he's basically been my right hand man. When I was sick or sad, Mason would push his nose under my hand and see to it that I was comforted. When I got my Wisdom Teeth pulled, I remember falling asleep for 3 days, with Mason lying on the bed right next to me for those 3 days, without getting up to eat or for potty breaks. Mason isn't mans best friend, he's MY best friend, and I couldn't ask for a better dog.